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Weekly Skill: Build Confidence Through Evidence

Jess, The Creator — Wed, 21 Oct 2026 09:55:36 GMT

One grounded internal skill you can practice this week.

You finish something difficult.

Maybe you handled a challenging conversation, completed a project, or figured out something you weren’t sure you could do.

Someone tells you that you did well and your first instinct is to explain why it doesn’t count.

I had help.

It wasn’t that difficult.

I just got lucky.

On Sunday, we talked about what happens when you keep moving the standard for being good enough.

This week, we’re practicing something different.

Learning how to give ourselves credit without giving ourselves more credit than the evidence supports.

You don’t have to convince yourself you’re amazing.

You just have to give yourself a fair assessment.

Why This Skill Matters

When you’re struggling with self-doubt, it’s easy to treat your mistakes as meaningful and your successes as exceptions.

You remember what went wrong and you question what went right.

And even when you’ve accomplished something, you may not allow it to change how you see yourself; however, confidence doesn’t require you to pretend you’re good at everything.

→ It can grow when you develop a more accurate understanding of what you know, what you’ve learned, and what you’re capable of doing.

If your mistakes count as evidence, your accomplishments do too.

What This Skill Is

This week, we’re practicing a simple three-question exercise:

🌀🤗 NP Fellow Sunday articles and bonus articles will always be free.
For readers who want practical tools to build emotional regulation skills week by week, I’ve created The Weekly Skill—a structured training system for developing self-trust, nervous system stability, and psychological flexibility.
If you’d like to support this work and access The Weekly Skills, upgrade here.
Access Weekly Skills

You Keep Moving The Goalposts On Yourself

Jess, The Creator — Sun, 18 Oct 2026 09:55:37 GMT

“Be kind, help others, and don’t forget to live for yourself.”

🩶 A Note from Me

Hi, I’m Jessica.

I write NP Fellow Become the CEO Your Health, a weekly mental health and functional medicine newsletter, to help readers build emotional regulation skills, gain mental clarity, prevent burnout, and become the C.E.O. of their own health.

Someone tells you that you did a great job.

Maybe you received a promotion.
Finished something difficult.
Got accepted into a program you worked hard to get into.
Or someone simply noticed how well you handled something.

For a moment, you feel proud.

Then your mind gets involved.

They don’t know how much help I had.
I probably just got lucky.
Other people could have done that.
What if they expect me to do it again?

Something you worked hard for has finally happened, and instead of letting yourself recognize it, you’re already explaining why it doesn’t count.

The strange part?

If someone you cared about accomplished the same thing, you’d probably be the first to tell them they deserved it.

→ However, when it’s you, there’s always another qualification.

It’s as though the standard for being good enough keeps moving every time you get close to meeting it.

🚨🔊My New Annual Halloween Vibes playlist - 2026 edit is now out on Spotify along with my podcast called NP Fellow Collective!

🌀 NP Fellow Sunday articles will always be free.
For readers who want practical tools to build emotional regulation skills week by week, I’ve created The Weekly Skill—a structured training system for developing self-trust, nervous system stability, and psychological flexibility.
If you’d like to support this work and access The Weekly Skills every Wednesday, upgrade here.

Sunrise in Miami Beach, Florida, USA

The Accomplishments You Keep Explaining Away

You’d think achieving something would make you feel more confident.

Sometimes it does, but sometimes, the moment you reach a goal, you find a way to make it smaller.

You got the job because the competition wasn’t that strong.
You passed the exam because you studied the right material.
You handled a difficult situation because someone helped you.
You received praise because the person was being nice.

Of course circumstances matter. Luck exists. Other people contribute to our success. Nobody accomplishes everything alone.

But why does acknowledging those things have to mean dismissing your own contribution?

Getting help doesn’t erase what you did.
Having an opportunity doesn’t mean you didn’t earn it.
And something being easier than you expected doesn’t mean it wasn’t worth doing.

Here’s a question worth considering: What would actually convince you that you’re capable?

A promotion?
More experience?
A certain achievement?
What happens when you reach that milestone and still don’t believe it?

If every accomplishment comes with a reason it doesn’t count, the problem may not be a lack of evidence.

It may be the standard you’re using to evaluate yourself.

When Success Makes You Feel More Exposed

We often imagine success will make us feel more secure, but sometimes, it does the opposite.

You get promoted, and now you’re worried people will discover you’re not ready.
You receive recognition, and suddenly you feel pressure to perform at that level again.
Someone asks you to lead a project, and instead of feeling trusted, you wonder whether they’ve overestimated your abilities.

The opportunity you wanted has arrived. Now you’re afraid you won’t live up to it.

This experience is often called imposter syndrome, or more accurately, the impostor phenomenon.

It’s the persistent feeling that your accomplishments don’t reflect your actual abilities, often accompanied by the fear that other people will eventually discover you’re less capable than they think.

And it can create an exhausting relationship with achievement.

Before you succeed, you’re trying to prove you belong.
After you succeed, you’re trying to make sure nobody discovers you don’t.

Success stops feeling like something you earned and starts feeling like something you have to defend.

So you prepare more, work harder, and double-check everything.

Not necessarily because the work requires it, but because making a mistake feels like it could confirm your worst suspicion about yourself.

And when you do succeed again?

You may feel relieved, but relief isn’t the same as believing you’re capable.

Sunrise in Miami Beach, Florida, USA

Why Your Mistakes Count More Than Your Successes

Imagine you give a presentation.

You prepared carefully, people were engaged, and several colleagues tell you it went well, but halfway through, you stumbled over a sentence.

Guess which part you’re thinking about on the drive home?

Not the preparation, not the questions you answered well, and not the positive feedback.

The sentence.

See? I’m not as good at this as people think.

Now imagine a colleague told you the same story.

Would you decide they weren’t qualified because they stumbled over a few words?

Probably not.

You’d consider the entire presentation, but when evaluating yourself, you may use a very different standard.

A successful presentation doesn’t prove you’re capable because you were well prepared.

A mistake, however small, feels like evidence that you’re not.

And that’s a difficult standard to live under.

A mistake becomes proof of who you are. An accomplishment becomes something you have to explain away.

Being Inexperienced Isn’t Being An Imposter

Sometimes you feel uncertain because you’re doing something you haven’t done before.

You’re learning a new role.
Taking on more responsibility.
Working with people who have more experience.
Entering a room where you don’t know the expectations yet.

You might genuinely have things to learn, you might make mistakes, and you might need guidance.

None of that automatically means you shouldn’t be there.

There’s also an important difference between doubting yourself and being in an environment that repeatedly gives you reasons to question whether you’re accepted or valued.

If you’re regularly dismissed, held to inconsistent standards, or expected to prove yourself more than others, your uncertainty may be responding to something real.

Not every feeling of inadequacy comes from the way you think about yourself.

However, whether the uncertainty comes from within or from your circumstances, it helps to distinguish two very different conclusions:

I have something to learn.

And:

I don’t deserve to be here.

One identifies an area for growth.

The other turns that area into a judgment about your entire capability.

→ You can be qualified for an opportunity and still have room to grow into it.

You don’t have to know everything before you belong.

You Don’t Have To Feel Confident To Be Capable

Here’s something we don’t always recognize.

→ Feeling confident and being capable are two different things.

You can feel uncertain and still know what you’re doing.
You can feel confident and still be mistaken.

Your emotional state doesn’t always give you an accurate picture of your abilities.

Think about the last time you did something difficult while feeling nervous.

Maybe you spoke up in a meeting.
Handled an unfamiliar responsibility.
Had a conversation you’d been avoiding.
Or figured something out as you went.

You may not have felt confident at all, but you still did it.

→ The fact that you felt uncertain doesn’t erase what you knew, the decisions you made, or the skills you used and this is where constantly moving the goalposts becomes a problem.

You tell yourself you’ll feel capable when you have more experience.
Then you get more experience. Now you need better results.
You get better results. Now you need to make fewer mistakes.

At some point, it’s worth asking whether you’re waiting for confidence or demanding a kind of certainty that nobody can reasonably achieve.

→ Confidence doesn’t require you to ignore your limitations, but it does require you to stop ignoring your strengths.

You can recognize what you’re good at without pretending you have nothing left to learn.
You can acknowledge an accomplishment without claiming you did it alone.
You can be proud of your progress while still wanting to improve.

You don’t have to exaggerate your accomplishments to stop minimizing them.

Final Thoughts

Maybe the problem isn’t that you haven’t done enough to feel capable.

Maybe you’ve gotten so used to questioning yourself that every accomplishment comes with a new condition.

More experience, better results, and fewer mistakes.

But before you raise the standard again, ask yourself something:

If someone else had done what you’ve done, would you still be telling them it wasn’t enough?

Thank you for reading this article.

Until next Sunday,
—Jessica
Your 2am friend who actually gets it

“As the wisdom within your matures, it becomes easier to let go, to stop fighting yourself, and to move with nature instead of against it.” —Yung Pueblo

🪩 A Gentle Invitation

If this article resonated with you, you may appreciate my new product called Weekly Skill, a paid NP Fellow series focused on one real, grounded internal skill each week regarding attention, impulse control, emotional regulation, presence, and learning how to work with your nervous system instead of against it.

No pressure. Just an invitation.🤝

NP Fellow Collective Podcast & Playlists on Spotify

MEDICAL DISCLAIMER

This content is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not intended to provide medical advice or to take the place of such advice or treatment from a personal physician. All readers/viewers of this content are advised to consult their doctors or qualified health professionals regarding specific health questions. All viewers of this content, especially those taking prescription or over-the-counter medications, should consult their physicians before beginning any nutrition, supplement or lifestyle program.

Weekly Skill: Trust Your Own Judgment

Jess, The Creator — Wed, 14 Oct 2026 09:57:05 GMT

One grounded internal skill you can practice this week.

Someone disagrees with you.

Maybe they remember a conversation differently, maybe they think you’re overreacting, or maybe they have a completely different opinion about a decision you’re trying to make.

And suddenly, you’re questioning yourself.

Maybe they’re right.
Maybe I’m missing something.
Maybe I shouldn’t trust my reaction.

On Sunday, we talked about how easily someone else’s confidence can make us doubt our own judgment.

→ This week, we’re practicing what to do when that happens.

Before you decide someone else must be right, check what you actually know.

Why This Skill Matters

When someone disagrees with you, it’s easy to jump from They see this differently to Maybe I’m wrong.

Sometimes you are, but disagreement alone doesn’t tell you that.

→ Someone disagreeing with you is new information. It isn’t proof that your judgment was wrong.

This skill helps you separate what you know, what you’re assuming, and what you think before deciding what to do next.

What This Skill Is

When you notice yourself second-guessing your judgment, ask three questions:

🌀🤗 NP Fellow Sunday articles and bonus articles will always be free.
For readers who want practical tools to build emotional regulation skills week by week, I’ve created The Weekly Skill—a structured training system for developing self-trust, nervous system stability, and psychological flexibility.
If you’d like to support this work and access The Weekly Skills, upgrade here.
Access Weekly Skills

Why Do You Trust Everyone Else More Than Yourself?

Jess, The Creator — Sun, 11 Oct 2026 09:56:01 GMT

“Find the tools you need to heal.”

♥️ A Note from Me

Hi, I’m Jessica.

I write NP Fellow Become The CEO of Your Health— a weekly mental health and functional medicine newsletter about building a healthier relationship with your mind, your body, and yourself.

You leave a conversation feeling uncomfortable.

Something someone said didn’t sit right with you. Maybe it was their tone or maybe it was the way they dismissed something that mattered to you.

You tell a friend about it.

They say, “I think you’re reading too much into it.”

And just like that, you’re questioning yourself.

Maybe I am, maybe I’m being too sensitive, or maybe it wasn’t that big of a deal.

Five minutes ago, you were trying to understand what bothered you.

Now you’re trying to prove to yourself that you had a reason to be bothered at all.

The strange part?

→ You were willing to consider another perspective. That’s usually a good thing.

But somewhere along the way, you stopped considering your own.

🚨🔊My New Annual Halloween Vibes playlist - 2026 edit is now out on Spotify along with my podcast called NP Fellow Collective!

Miami Beach, FL, USA

When Someone Else Sounds More Certain Than You Feel

Have you noticed how convincing someone can sound when they’re explaining why you’re wrong?

They seem so sure.
They remember the conversation differently.
They have an explanation you hadn’t considered.
They insist you misunderstood.

Meanwhile, you’re still figuring out what you think and when you’re uncertain, someone else’s confidence can feel like evidence.

They sound so sure. Maybe they know something I don’t.

Sometimes they do, but certainty and accuracy aren’t the same thing.

Someone can be completely convinced of their interpretation and still be mistaken. You can be unsure of yours and still have noticed something important.

We tend to forget that when we’re uncomfortable with uncertainty.

It’s tempting to let the person who sounds most confident settle the question, especially when doing so would end an uncomfortable disagreement.

→ Their confidence doesn’t necessarily mean they know better. Sometimes it just makes you stop asking questions.

You don’t need to match their certainty to take your own perspective seriously.

How You Learn To Check With Everyone Else First

Most people don’t consciously decide to stop trusting their judgment.

They learn to check it.

Maybe you grew up hearing “You’re too sensitive” whenever something upset you.
Maybe you tried to explain why a comment hurt, only to be told you misunderstood, took it personally, or made a big deal out of nothing.
Maybe a decision went badly, and now you question yourself whenever another important choice comes along.

Over time, you can get so used to checking whether you’re allowed to feel something that you forget to ask yourself why you feel it.

Am I allowed to be upset about this?
Would someone else think this is a problem?
What if I’m being unreasonable?

So you ask.

You explain what happened. You watch the other person’s reaction. You listen for signs that they agree.

And if they don’t?

You start reconsidering your experience before you’ve finished understanding it.

Of course, other people can help us see what we’ve missed. Their feedback can be useful, but when outside agreement becomes the requirement for trusting your own judgment, something shifts.

→ You start treating your own perspective like a rough draft that someone else needs to approve.

And eventually, you may stop asking yourself what you think until you’ve heard what everyone else thinks first.

Miami Beach, FL, USA

Being Open-Minded Isn’t The Same As Being Easily Overruled

Imagine you’re considering a new opportunity.

You’re interested, but something bothers you. The expectations are unclear, and the details keep changing.

You mention your hesitation to someone you trust.

They say, “You’re overthinking it. I’d take it.”

Now you’re wondering whether your concerns are reasonable or whether you’re just afraid of change.

Maybe fear is part of it, but maybe the changing details deserve a closer look.

Being open-minded means considering information that could change your opinion.
Being easily overruled means assuming someone else has a better opinion simply because they disagree.

A second opinion should give you more information to work with.

It shouldn’t automatically replace your first opinion.

You can ask what they see that you don’t.
You can investigate the details.
You can change your mind.
Or you can decide that, even after hearing their perspective, the opportunity still isn’t right for you.

→ You can be open to being wrong without assuming everyone else is right.

A different opinion is something to consider. It isn’t automatically a correction.

Sometimes You’re Looking For Permission, Not Advice

Think about the last time you asked several people what they thought you should do.

Were you gathering information?
Or were you hoping someone would give you an answer that finally made you feel comfortable choosing?

There’s a difference.

Sometimes we ask for advice because another person has knowledge or experience we don’t.

Other times, we already have a preference.

→ We just don’t trust ourselves enough to act on it.

So we keep asking.

One friend says yes.
Another says no.
Someone else says, “It depends.”

Wonderful. Now we have a committee and somehow, after hearing five opinions, we’re less certain than when we started because what we really wanted wasn’t another perspective.

We wanted someone to remove the possibility that we’d make the wrong choice, but even good advice can’t guarantee a good outcome.

You can make a thoughtful decision and still be disappointed by how it turns out.
You can follow someone’s advice and regret it.
You can trust your own judgment and later discover you missed something.

→ That’s part of making decisions.

Self-trust doesn’t mean knowing you’ll get it right. It means being willing to make a decision without needing someone else to guarantee the outcome.

Final Thoughts: You Can Question Your Interpretation Without Dismissing Yourself

Let’s say someone cancels plans at the last minute.

You feel hurt.

That feeling is real.

You interpret the cancellation as proof that they don’t value your time.

That interpretation might be right.

Or they might be dealing with something you don’t know about.

Trusting yourself doesn’t require you to settle that question immediately.

You can acknowledge the hurt.
Ask what happened.
Consider their explanation.
Notice whether this is a pattern.
And still decide that repeated last-minute cancellations don’t work for you, regardless of whether the person intended to hurt you.

You don’t need to be certain about someone else’s intentions to be clear about your own needs.

→ This is where self-validation and self-trust meet.

You can recognize that your experience matters without assuming your first interpretation is correct.

You can take someone else’s perspective seriously without treating it as more important than yours and you can make a decision based on what you know, while remaining willing to reconsider when new information arrives.

You won’t always be right and neither will the people you’re asking.

→ You can listen to someone else without handing them the final say on what you think.

The next time someone disagrees with you, pay attention to what happens inside you.

Do you get curious about their perspective?
Or do you immediately start searching for what’s wrong with yours?

You might learn something from what they have to say.

Just don’t stop listening to yourself in the process.

Thank you for reading this article.

Until next Sunday,
—Jessica
Your 2am friend who actually gets it

“Taking a moment to figure out how you really feel instead of letting old patterns decide for you is one of the most authentic things you can do.” —Yung Pueblo

🪩 A Gentle Invitation

No pressure. Just an invitation.🤝

NP Fellow Collective Podcast & Playlists on Spotify

MEDICAL DISCLAIMER

Weekly Skill: Reframe Adversity

Jess, The Creator — Wed, 07 Oct 2026 09:55:02 GMT

One grounded internal skill you can practice this week.

Something didn’t go the way you wanted.

Maybe you were rejected.
A plan fell apart.
Someone disappointed you.
You made a mistake.

On Sunday, we talked about giving yourself permission to acknowledge the obvious before searching for a silver lining: “I didn’t want this.”

However, there may come a point when you’re ready to look at the situation again.

→ That’s where this week’s skill comes in.

Reframing adversity means looking at a difficult situation from another angle so you can see more than what went wrong.

You’re not trying to convince yourself that the problem isn’t a problem.

You’re asking: What else can I see from here?

Why This Skill Matters

Adversity narrows our attention.

One thing goes wrong and suddenly it can feel like everything is wrong.

The rejection becomes I’m never going to get the opportunity.
The mistake becomes I always screw things up.
The difficult week becomes My whole life is a mess.

Reframing widens the picture.

→ The problem is still there, but so are things you may not have been able to see while all your attention was focused on what went wrong.

You’re not trying to convince yourself that the problem isn’t a problem. You’re trying to see more than the problem.

What This Skill Is

When you’re dealing with a setback, ask yourself these four questions:

Something Good Can Come From Something You Didn’t Want

Jess, The Creator — Sun, 04 Oct 2026 09:56:34 GMT

“Do you know why you are powerful? Because you can change the future.”

🧡 A Note from Me

Hi, I’m Jessica.

I write NP Fellow Become The CEO of Your Health— a weekly mental health and functional medicine newsletter about building a healthier relationship with your mind, your body, and yourself.

I’ve been thinking lately about how quickly we’re expected to find the good in something difficult. The lesson. The reason. The silver lining.

I believe something good can come from experiences we never would have chosen.

However, I also think we’re allowed to say, “I didn’t want this,” before we decide what we’re going to do with it.

This week, I wanted to make room for both.

🚨🔊My New Annual Halloween Vibes playlist - 2026 edit is now out on Spotify along with my podcast called NP Fellow Collective!

Miami Beach, FL, USA

Sometimes Things Don’t Work Out.

You don’t get the job.
The relationship ends.
Someone disappoints you.
The plan you were counting on falls apart.
You get news you didn’t want.

And almost immediately, someone wants to help you find the bright side.

“Everything happens for a reason.”
“Maybe this is a blessing in disguise.”
“Something better is coming.”

Maybe, but sometimes, when something hurts, you don’t need to know why it happened.

You need a minute to admit:

I really wanted that.
I’m disappointed.
This isn’t what I thought was going to happen.
This sucks.

There’s nothing wrong with eventually finding meaning in a difficult experience, but you don’t have to rush there.

You don’t have to pretend something is good to believe something good can still come from it.

You Don’t Need A Silver Lining Yet

There’s something uncomfortable about a bad thing just being…bad.

We want the explanation, the lesson, or the reason and preferably by Tuesday because if we can figure out what something means, it can feel less random, less disappointing, and maybe even less painful.

So we rush toward the reframe.

Maybe I needed this.
Maybe it wasn’t meant for me.
Maybe something better is coming.

Sometimes those thoughts genuinely help, but sometimes they’re a prettier way of avoiding: “I’m hurt.”

You don’t need to turn disappointment into gratitude before you’ve experienced the disappointment.

You don’t need to call the closed door a blessing while you’re still standing there wondering why the hell it closed.

→ Sometimes the honest response comes first.

I didn’t want this.

Miami Beach, FL, USA

Eventually, This Becomes The Reality You’re Working With

At some point, whether you approve of what happened or not, it becomes the reality you have to work with.

The job went to someone else.
The relationship ended.
The opportunity disappeared.
The plan changed.

You can hate that reality, you can wish it were different, and you can still be angry, disappointed, scared, or confused, but eventually the question changes.

Instead of:

How do I make this not have happened?

It becomes:

What can I do with what happened?

→ That’s a different question because one keeps you negotiating with the past.

The other gives you somewhere to go.

Adversity Can Show You Things Comfort Never Had To

When life is going according to plan, you don’t always have a reason to examine much.

→ You keep moving.

Then something interrupts you and suddenly you learn things you weren’t particularly interested in learning.

You discover who shows up.
You discover what matters more than you thought.
You find out where you need help.
You notice a boundary you should’ve had a long time ago.

Sometimes what adversity gives you isn’t a grand lesson.

→ It’s information.

This isn’t working anymore.
I need to ask for help.
I can survive being rejected.
I trusted someone I shouldn’t have.
I need a different plan.

None of that means the adversity was necessary and it doesn’t mean you should be grateful it happened.

→ It means difficult experiences can reveal things easier circumstances never required you to see.

Adversity doesn’t have to be secretly good to become useful.

→ And whatever becomes useful doesn’t need to justify what happened.

You don’t have to rewrite the pain to keep the lesson.

Miami Beach, FL, USA

You Still Get A Say In What Happens Next

This might be the most important part.

Something can happen that you had absolutely no say in.

You didn’t choose it, you couldn’t prevent it, and you still get some say in what happens next.

Not complete control.

Life doesn’t work that way, but you still have choices.

You can decide who you call.

Whether you ask for help.
Whether you try again.
Whether you change direction.
Whether you have the conversation.
Whether you rest before making any decisions at all.

Adversity has a way of shrinking our attention down to whatever went wrong.

The rejection.
The loss.
The diagnosis.
The mistake.
The betrayal.

For a while, it can feel like that one thing is the entire landscape. It isn’t.

→ There are still decisions available to you.

Sometimes tiny ones and tiny still counts.

You may not get to choose what happened. You still get to participate in what happens next.

Final Thoughts: The Hard Thing Doesn’t Get The Final Word

Maybe someday you’ll look back and understand what this experience gave you.

Maybe you won’t or maybe something wonderful will happen because your original plan fell apart.

Maybe you’ll build something good that has absolutely nothing to do with why the hard thing happened and maybe years from now, you’ll still look back and think: Yeah. I could’ve done without that.

Both can be true.

You don’t have to be grateful for everything that shaped you.
You don’t have to turn every loss into a lesson.
You don’t have to decide the hard thing was secretly meant for you.

You can simply leave room for the possibility that what happened isn’t the only thing that gets to determine what happens next.

You don’t have to rewrite the pain to keep whatever you learned from it. What happened is part of the story.

It doesn’t get to write the rest of it by itself.

Thank you for reading this article.

Until next Sunday,
—Jessica
Your 2am friend who actually gets it

“Don’t run away from heavy emotions. Honor the anger; give pain the space it needs to breathe.” —Yung Pueblo

🪩 A Gentle Invitation

No pressure. Just an invitation.🤝

NP Fellow Collective Podcast & Playlists on Spotify

MEDICAL DISCLAIMER

Episode 023 - Your Health Has A Carry-On Too

Jess, The Creator — Sat, 03 Oct 2026 22:19:38 GMT

Editor’s Note: This article is the companion piece to Episode 23 of Unstuck to Finding Your Edge, my weekly Live series with Robyn Levin and our personal travel experiences. It’s for general education, not individualized medical advice.

If you have a medical condition, take prescription medications, or have questions about compression socks, fasting, hydration, or travel-related health risks, talk with your healthcare professional before your trip!

Travel will mess with your routine.

Different food, different sleep, hours sitting on a plane, more walking, and less water and somehow a bottle of water at the airport costs approximately your firstborn child.

I’ve also spent enough time on airplanes to know how quickly a small problem becomes a BIG annoyance when you’re unprepared.

I worked as a flight nurse for four years. travels constantly and has turned packing light into practically a competitive sport.

So when she told me she was packing for a trip from warm, rainy Florida into much colder weather, we had opinions.

A lot of them, but underneath the compression bags, thermal underwear, airport snacks, and my lecture about when Robyn should put on her compression socks was a bigger point:

Taking care of yourself while traveling starts before you leave.

Robyn packs light. I pack prepared.

Robyn doesn’t want to haul a monster suitcase through train stations, up staircases, or across Europe.

Fair.

→ Her rule when choosing between two pieces of clothing? Pick up both and take the lighter one.

She’ll even start removing things once she’s packing instead of throwing in another five outfits “just in case.”

I’m a little different.

I’d rather be overprepared than underprepared any day; however, prepared doesn’t mean bringing your entire house.

I’ve traveled so much that I have a system. I know what I wear. I know what I need.

I basically have an airport uniform: comfortable, dry-fit clothing that works whether I’m sitting on a plane or moving through an airport.

If I’m heading somewhere cold, thermal wear is coming with me. I’ve even left Miami wearing thermal pants underneath my clothes when I knew I’d be landing in a snowstorm.

Was I hot leaving Florida? Yep.

Did I care once I landed in Montreal? Nope.

Compress the clothes. Keep the essentials close.

Winter clothes eat suitcase space for breakfast.

That’s where compression bags or cubes come in. Robyn uses compression cubes; I’ve traveled with bags that remove the air.

Same goal: stop packing half a suitcase full of AIR, but there’s something I’m much more opinionated about.

→ If you can’t be without it, don’t put it in your checked luggage.

Medication and other medical necessities stay with you. So do the things you’ll genuinely need if your suitcase doesn’t arrive when you do.

Robyn learned that lesson the hard way when her luggage was lost for eight days on a previous trip and don’t assume your carry-on suitcase will definitely stay with you either. It can still get gate-checked.

Your personal bag is where the truly important stuff belongs.

Airport food doesn’t need to become a health crisis.

You know the options.

Pretzels. Cookies. Fast food. Something vaguely pretending to be a meal and the $6 water.

→ Bring an empty reusable bottle through security and fill it once you’re inside. Electrolyte packets can also be easy to pack if they’re something you normally use.

→ Bring a snack instead of waiting until you’re starving and buying whatever happens to be closest to your gate.

Robyn likes protein bars. I’m fine working with what’s available.

If the airport lounge has pasta and salty vegetables?

Okay. Eat.

→ You don’t need three plates just because it’s free, and you don’t need to turn one imperfect meal into a health emergency either.

Work with what you’ve got.

Ate the pasta? WALK.

This may be my favorite travel-health strategy because it’s ridiculously simple.

→ Go for a walk.

Walk around the airport instead of sitting at the gate for another hour.
Walk after dinner.
Take the stairs at the hotel.
Skip the elevator sometimes on a cruise.
Explore wherever you are.

You don’t need to recreate your entire home workout routine on vacation.

→ Robyn sometimes gets 12,000 to 20,000 steps a day while traveling simply because she’s out exploring.

That’s movement. It counts.

ROBYN. Put the compression socks on at home.

We need to discuss this.

I swear by compression socks.

I wore them during hospital shifts. I wore them working as a flight nurse. I still use them during long periods on my feet.

So Robyn tells me she’s bringing compression socks for her flight.

Excellent.

Then she tells me she puts them on AFTER she gets on the plane.

Excuse me?

Don’t pack them. WEAR THEM.

Why are we changing socks on an airplane?

Put them on at home.

Robyn tried to negotiate this with me during the Live.

I remain unmoved. 😂

Compression socks aren’t right for everyone, particularly with certain circulation or medical conditions, so talk with your healthcare professional if you’re unsure whether you should use them.

But Robyn already wears them.

So Robyn?

BEFORE the airport.

I also travel with my own little health kit.

This is probably the nurse in me.

If I know there are basic over-the-counter items I occasionally use, I’d rather bring a small amount than find myself in an unfamiliar place trying to hunt them down.

However, prescription medications are different.

Keep necessary medications with you, properly labeled, and check the rules for your destination if you’re traveling internationally.

Don’t discover at the airport that something you’re carrying has restrictions where you’re going.

A few minutes of preparation at home can save you a much bigger headache later.

Your health has to make the trip too.

You don’t need to eat perfectly.

You don’t need to work out every morning and you definitely don’t need to pack your entire kitchen, medicine cabinet, gym, and closet so you can reproduce your life at home from a hotel room.

You need to know what tends to throw you off—and prepare for it.

For me, that means keeping the important stuff with me, staying hydrated, moving whenever I can, and apparently making sure my cohost puts her compression socks on at an appropriate time.

→ That’s part of Becoming the CEO of Your Health.

You know your body, you know your habits, and you make a few smart decisions BEFORE you’re standing in an airport hungry, thirsty, and wondering why you packed six shirts but forgot the one thing you actually needed.

Now THAT’S traveling prepared.

🎥 Watch Episode 023 of Unstuck to Finding Your Edge

Robyn and I talk about packing lighter, traveling between climates, airport food, hydration, movement, compression socks, what belongs in your carry-on, and the travel habits we’ve picked up after spending a LOT of time on planes.

And yes, I give Robyn a hard time about changing her socks on the plane.

She deserved it.😂😇

↑ Watch Episode 023 above

Resources From This Conversation

Follow Jess at NP Fellow Become The CEO of Your Health →

Follow Jess at Unstuck to Published →

Follow Jess at Nurse in the Market →

Follow Robyn at Finding Your Edge →

Follow Robyn at Rare Finds - Luxury Travel →

Scan Robyn’s QR code to access her Youtube channel →

Thank You

Thank you so much for everyone who tuned into this live, your presence is truly appreciated, and to the people who are watching the replay, thank you!

See you next Friday at 12pm ET for our weekly show, stay tuned!

-Jess, The Creator & Robyn Levin

Weekly Skill: Practice Self-Validation

Jess, The Creator — Wed, 30 Sep 2026 09:56:01 GMT

One grounded internal skill you can practice this week.

Sunday, we talked about what happens when taking responsibility turns into punishing yourself, but self-punishment isn’t the only way we turn against our own experience.

Sometimes we dismiss it before we’ve even understood it.

I shouldn’t be this upset.
I’m overreacting.
I should be over this by now.

Sometimes we’re so busy deciding whether our reaction is acceptable that we never actually listen to what it’s telling us.

That’s where self-validation comes in.

Why This Skill Matters

Most of us know how reassuring it feels when someone understands us.

You tell a friend what happened and they say:

Of course that hurt.
I can see why you reacted that way.
That makes sense.

Something settles. The situation hasn’t changed. They haven’t solved anything.

You just don’t have to argue with your own experience anymore.

But what happens when nobody else says it or when someone tells you that you shouldn’t feel the way you do?

If someone else has to agree with your experience before you’re allowed to trust it, you can spend a lot of time trying to convince people that your feelings make sense.

Sometimes the person who needs to acknowledge what you’re experiencing is you.

What This Skill Is

Self-validation means recognizing your internal experience without immediately judging, dismissing, or arguing with it.

When Someone Blindsides You

Jess, The Creator — Tue, 29 Sep 2026 10:02:43 GMT

“Maturity is when you don’t need to hear all the gossip or know a bunch of secrets.”

🍑 A Note from Me

Hi, I’m Jessica.

I write NP Fellow Become The CEO of Your Health— a weekly mental health and functional medicine newsletter about building a healthier relationship with your mind, your body, and yourself.

There’s a particular kind of sick feeling that happens when you learn something about someone you trusted that you weren’t expecting to learn.

Your stomach drops and your brain starts moving faster than the rest of you.

Wait. What?

Then comes the replay.

Things they said.
Things you said.
Conversations that seemed completely normal at the time.
Moments that suddenly look different under this new information.

Was that a sign?

Did they know then?

How long has this been happening?

How did I not see this?

Being blindsided can make you question the other person, but very quickly, it can make you question yourself.

Suddenly you’re trying to solve two things at once: Who is this person?
And: How did I get them so wrong?

🚨🔊My New Annual Halloween Vibes playlist - 2026 edit is now out on Spotify along with my podcast called NP Fellow Collective!

Miami Beach, FL, USA

Your Brain Will Start Looking For What You Missed

Hindsight is incredibly convincing.

Once you know something, your brain can usually find evidence that you should have known it sooner.

That weird comment.
The question they didn’t quite answer.
The moment something felt off.

Maybe some of those things were signs.

There are times when we dismiss information because we don’t want it to mean what we suspect it means.

We explain things away.
Give another chance.
Accept an answer that doesn’t quite make sense.
Tell ourselves we’re overthinking.

That’s worth noticing, but there’s another possibility:

Maybe you made a reasonable judgment based on the information you had at the time.

You didn’t know then what you know now and you couldn’t evaluate information you didn’t have.

And if someone withheld something, obscured what they were doing, or allowed you to operate under an assumption they knew wasn’t accurate, hindsight doesn’t magically make that information available to your past self.

Being blindsided doesn’t always mean you missed the signs. Sometimes you were making decisions based on information someone else chose not to give you.

If Something Felt Off, Look At What You Actually Noticed

Sometimes there was a feeling.

You couldn’t quite explain it. Something just seemed…off.

This is where people love to say:

“Always trust your gut.”

I don’t think it’s that simple.

A feeling that something is wrong deserves your attention.

It doesn’t automatically deserve to make the decision.

Don’t obey the feeling. Investigate it.

Ask yourself:

What am I actually noticing?
What doesn’t match?

Maybe their words and behavior are telling you two different stories.
Maybe they expect transparency from you while being strangely selective with their own.
Maybe you keep leaving conversations more confused than when you entered them.
Maybe something changed and nobody acknowledged that it changed.

Red flags aren’t always dramatic.

There’s rarely ominous music playing in the background while someone announces themselves as untrustworthy.

Would save us all some time.

Sometimes it’s simply a mismatch and if you notice one, you can ask about it.

Then pay attention to what happens next.

Do they answer the question?
Do they clarify?
Do they acknowledge why something might look different from your side?
Or do they deflect?
Minimize?
Change the subject?
Make your reaction the problem?

Sometimes how someone responds to being questioned tells you as much as the explanation itself.

Miami Beach, FL, USA

You May Never Know Why They Did It

This is where being blindsided can turn into an investigation.

Did they mean to hurt me?
Was this deliberate?
Were they using me?
Did they know exactly what they were doing?
Was everything they told me bullshit?

You start looking for motive because motive seems like it will settle the case.

If you can understand why they did it, maybe you’ll finally know what to think about them.

Then you’ll know what to do. Except you may never get a clean answer.

Even if you confront someone, you’re asking the person whose behavior made you question your trust to give you the explanation that restores your certainty.

Maybe they’ll give you one.
Maybe it’ll be true.
Maybe it won’t.
Maybe they genuinely see what happened differently.

You could spend a very long time trying to get inside someone else’s head.

Meanwhile, their behavior is sitting right in front of you.

You know what happened.
You know what information you had.
You know what you learned later.
You know how they responded when you asked about it, if you chose to ask.

That may be enough.

You don’t need someone to confess their intentions before you’re allowed to respond to their behavior.

You can be uncertain about someone’s intentions and certain that their behavior changed what you’re willing to give them.

What Does This Change?

This might be the more useful question.

Not:

Who are they really?

Not:

Was everything fake?

Not even:

Can I trust them?

Instead:

What does knowing this change for me?

Maybe the answer is nothing.

You hear their explanation, understand what happened, and decide the relationship doesn’t need to change.

→ Maybe it changes one thing or maybe it changes everything, but new information is allowed to affect the decisions you make about someone.

You don’t need to prove they’re a bad person first, you don’t need them to agree with your interpretation, and you don’t need to build a case convincing everyone else that your decision is justified.

You can simply say: “I know something now that I didn’t know before.”

And let that information matter.

Miami Beach, FL, USA

Trust Doesn’t Have To Be All Or Nothing

When someone blindsides us, there can be pressure to make one giant decision:

→ Do I trust this person or not?

But trust isn’t always that binary.

A better question might be:

What access does this person get now?

Access to your private thoughts.
Your time.
Your work.
Your vulnerability.
Your benefit of the doubt.

Someone can lose access to one part of your life without being dramatically exiled from all of it.

Maybe you share less.
Maybe you ask more questions.
Maybe you put things in writing.
Maybe you stop assuming that because someone could have told you something, they would.
Maybe you step back completely.

The response depends on what happened.

Trust doesn’t have to be all or nothing.

Access can change before the relationship does and changing someone’s access doesn’t have to be punishment.

→ It can simply be an update.

You learned something. So you adjust accordingly.

You Don’t Have To Decide While You’re Still In Shock

Being blindsided creates urgency.

You want answers.
You want to confront.
You want to know what else you don’t know.

However, you don’t have to decide the future of a relationship while you’re still reacting to what you learned.

→ Collect information, ask what you need to ask, and let the initial reaction settle.

You’re allowed to wait before deciding what this changes because the first decision doesn’t have to be what am I going to do about this person?

It can simply be: “I’m going to give myself enough time to understand what just changed.”

A pause gives you time to decide what the new information actually means for you.

Final Thoughts: Believe What You Know Now

Being blindsided can shake your confidence in your own judgment.

Try not to turn that into a second betrayal.

Maybe there were signs you missed.

→ If there were, learn from them.

Maybe you gave someone more benefit of the doubt than they had earned.

→ Remember that.

Maybe there was information you simply couldn’t have known.

→ Let that be true too.

You don’t need to punish your past self for not having your current information and you don’t have to reconstruct every conversation you’ve ever had with someone to figure out who they really are.

Sometimes you won’t get the explanation that makes everything click into place and sometimes the explanation won’t change anything anyway.

You know something now that you didn’t know before.

→ That doesn’t tell you everything about another person, but it tells you something and you’re allowed to let that something change your decisions.

Sometimes the new information is enough.

You don’t need the confession, you don’t need the perfect explanation, and you don’t need to prove who they are.

Believe what you know now and decide what access that information earns.

Thank you for reading this article.

Until next Sunday,
—Jessica
Your 2am friend who actually gets it

“You support your inner peace by letting the right information come to you instead of chasing after the craving of knowing everyone’s business.” —Yung Pueblo

🪩 A Gentle Invitation

No pressure. Just an invitation.🤝

NP Fellow Collective Podcast & Playlists on Spotify

MEDICAL DISCLAIMER

How Long Are You Supposed To Feel Bad?

Jess, The Creator — Sun, 27 Sep 2026 09:55:10 GMT

“It’s easier to step away from an argument and remain calm. When you realize they’re not picking a fight with you; they’re actually fighting themselves. Sometimes you just know that the tension coming your way isn’t about you at all.”

🖤 A Note from Me

Hi, I’m Jessica.

I write NP Fellow Become The CEO of Your Health— a weekly mental health and functional medicine newsletter about building a healthier relationship with your mind, your body, and yourself.

You screwed up.

Maybe you said something you wish you could take back, made a decision you regret, or handled something badly.

And you know it.

Maybe you apologized, maybe you fixed what you could, or maybe you understand exactly what you’d do differently now, but your brain apparently hasn’t received the memo.

So it brings the mistake back.

Why did I do that?
I should’ve known better.
What was I thinking?

And just when you start feeling okay again, another thought appears:

Should I really be feeling okay already?

Because somewhere along the way, feeling bad became part of proving that you understand what you did.

As if moving forward too quickly means you don’t care.

As if forgiving yourself lets you off the hook, but there’s a difference between taking responsibility and continuing to punish yourself after you have.

🚨🔊My New Annual Halloween Vibes playlist - 2026 edit is now out on Spotify along with my podcast called NP Fellow Collective!

Sometimes Feeling Worse Feels Like Caring More

When we make a mistake, discomfort can serve a purpose.

→ Guilt can get our attention.

→ Regret can tell us that our behavior didn’t match the person we want to be.

Those feelings can say:

→ Pay attention. Something here matters.

The problem is that we don’t always know when they’ve done their job.

So we keep going. We replay what happened.

Repeat everything we should’ve done differently and call ourselves names we’d never use with someone we cared about.

And somehow, that starts to feel responsible.

At least I know I messed up.
At least I’m not pretending it didn’t happen.
At least I feel terrible about it.

But how terrible you feel isn’t a measure of how much you’ve learned.

Suffering longer doesn’t make you more accountable.

Accountability & Self-Punishment Have Different Jobs

Accountability asks:

What happened?
What was my part in it?
Is there something I need to repair?
What do I want to do differently next time?

Those questions can be uncomfortable.

They might require an apology, a difficult conversation, changed behavior, or accepting a consequence you don’t particularly enjoy.

Self-punishment sounds different.

How could I be so stupid?
What is wrong with me?
Why do I always do this?
How can I feel okay after what I did?

See what happened?

We stopped talking about the behavior.

Now we’re talking about you.

→ Accountability stays with what you did.

→ Self-punishment turns what you did into a verdict about who you are.

And once you become the problem, there’s nothing specific to repair.

You can only keep feeling bad about yourself.

We Put Ourselves On Trial Long After The Evidence Is In

There’s a strange thing we do with mistakes.

We assume reviewing them repeatedly will somehow prevent us from making them again.

So we conduct another hearing.

Exhibit A: the thing you said.
Exhibit B: the look on their face.
Exhibit C: the twelve things you could’ve said instead.

The prosecution would also like to introduce an unrelated mistake from 2019.😂

Reflection can be useful, but there’s a point when reflection stops producing new information.

You already know what happened.
You know what you regret.
You know what you’d do differently.

At that point, replaying the mistake isn’t teaching you anymore.

→ You’re just making yourself sit through the verdict again.

Feeling bad can get your attention. It doesn’t have to become your sentence.

Forgiving Yourself Can Feel Suspicious

We talk about self-forgiveness as though everyone naturally wants it.

I’m not sure that’s true.

Sometimes feeling better makes us nervous because if you forgive yourself, what keeps you from doing the same thing again?

What proves you really understand the harm you caused?
What if the other person hasn’t forgiven you?
What if you don’t deserve to feel better yet?

So we make an internal deal: I’ll keep feeling bad.

As if suffering is evidence of remorse, but feeling bad indefinitely doesn’t repair what happened and refusing yourself compassion doesn’t guarantee that you’ll behave differently next time.

→ What helps is being able to look directly at something you regret without excusing it or turning it into a permanent description of who you are.

You can say “I did something I regret” without turning it into “I am someone who deserves to suffer.”

What If Someone Else Is Still Hurt?

This is where self-forgiveness gets harder because sometimes you’re ready to move forward and someone else isn’t.

They may still be angry, they may need time, they may not forgive you, and if you caused harm, their feelings deserve room.

You may need to apologize, accept consequences, give them space, and change your behavior.

Along with accept that the relationship may be different now, but their pain doesn’t create an obligation for you to hate yourself.

→ Punishing yourself won’t heal them and feeling better doesn’t erase what happened.

You can take someone else’s hurt seriously without making your own suffering proof that you care.

Final Thoughts: The Lesson Can Stay Without The Punishment

Think about something you keep punishing yourself for.

Not necessarily the biggest mistake of your life.

Just something your mind likes to pull back out and place on the table.

Maybe you still cringe when you remember it.
Maybe you wish you’d chosen differently.
Maybe you’re genuinely sorry.

None of that has to disappear.

You can regret something without rehearsing your worst opinion of yourself and you can wish you had done better and believe you’re still allowed to do better now.

So ask yourself:

Do I understand what I did?
Have I taken responsibility for my part?
Is there something I still need to repair?
Do I know what I want to do differently?

If there’s something left to do, do it.

Apologize.
Repair what you can.
Change the behavior.
Accept the consequence.

But if you’ve already taken responsibility and learned what there was to learn, continuing to hurt yourself isn’t adding anything.

You don’t need another trial. You need the chance to live differently.

The lesson is what you carry forward. The punishment doesn’t have to come with you.

Thank you for reading this article.

Until next Sunday,
—Jessica
Your 2am friend who actually gets it

“Saying less is incredibly helpful. Not every thought is valuable. Not every feeling needs to be voiced. What is often best is to slow down and spend time developing a clearer and more informed perspective. Ego rushes and reacts, but peace moves peacefully and gently.” —Yung Pueblo

🪩 A Gentle Invitation

No pressure. Just an invitation.🤝

NP Fellow Collective Podcast & Playlists on Spotify

MEDICAL DISCLAIMER

Weekly Skill: Practice Letting Go

Jess, The Creator — Wed, 23 Sep 2026 09:55:50 GMT

One grounded internal skill you can practice this week.

Last Sunday, we talked about why letting go doesn’t mean you have to stop caring, but knowing that doesn’t make it easy.

You can decide you’re done replaying a conversation and find yourself mentally rewriting it the next morning.

You can know someone else’s reaction is outside your control and still check your phone fourteen times.

So this week, we’re practicing what to do when you catch yourself returning to the same struggle.

The goal isn’t to make the feeling disappear. It’s to stop giving the struggle another turn.

Why This Skill Matters

Letting go is rarely a one-time decision.

A memory shows up. You think of something else you could’ve said. Suddenly, you’re reviewing the whole situation again.

You need a way to recognize when there’s something useful left to do and when you’re repeating an effort that isn’t getting you anywhere.

That’s what this skill is for.

What This Skill Is

Practicing letting go means identifying what you’re holding on to, recognizing the outcome you’re still trying to produce, and choosing what to do now.

Letting Go Doesn’t Mean You Stop Caring

Jess, The Creator — Sun, 20 Sep 2026 10:00:52 GMT

“Don’t run away from heavy emotions. Honor the anger; give pain the space it needs to breathe.”

🖤 A Note from Me

Hi, I’m Jessica.

I write NP Fellow Become The CEO of Your Health— a weekly mental health and functional medicine newsletter about building a healthier relationship with your mind, your body, and yourself.

You’ve replayed the conversation more times than you can count. You know what they said and you know what you said.

You’ve come up with at least six better responses, including one so good it’s genuinely annoying you didn’t think of it at the time and still, you keep going back.

Maybe if you understand exactly why they said it, you’ll feel better.
Maybe if you explain yourself one more time, they’ll finally understand.
Maybe if you think about it long enough, you’ll find the moment when everything could have gone differently.

Except the conversation is over and you’re still having it.

Sometimes the hardest part of letting go isn’t what happened.

It’s giving up the possibility that it could have happened differently.

🚨🔊My New Annual Halloween Vibes playlist - 2026 edit is now out on Spotify along with my podcast called NP Fellow Collective!

Holding On Can Feel Like Doing Something

When something matters to us, we want to do something about it.

We want to repair the relationship.
Correct the mistake.
Understand why someone hurt us.
Figure out whether we made the right decision.

But sometimes we’ve already done what we can.

We’ve had the conversation, asked the question, made the apology, and we’re still mentally working on the problem.

We replay it. Reconsider it. Imagine different outcomes.

It feels like we’re making progress because we’re still engaged, but thinking about something for the hundredth time doesn’t necessarily bring us any closer to an answer.

Sometimes we’re simply revisiting a situation that has nothing new to give us.

We Get Attached To The Ending We Wanted

Think about something you’ve struggled to let go of.

Was there an ending you were hoping for?

Maybe the person who hurt you would apologize.
Maybe the relationship would work out.
Maybe someone would finally understand your side.

And when that ending doesn’t happen, it’s tempting to keep waiting for it.

Maybe they’ll come around, or maybe something will change.

Hope can keep us alive and moving when there’s something meaningful left to pursue, but it can also keep us waiting for a version of reality that isn’t arriving.

And sometimes, the hardest thing to release is the future we imagined.

The relationship you thought you’d have.
The opportunity you expected to get.
The conversation where someone finally said, You’re right. I understand now.

You may be grieving something that never actually happened and that can be difficult to recognize because you’re still looking for a way to make it happen.

Sometimes we’re holding on to what happened. Sometimes we’re holding on to what we thought would happen next.

Letting Go Can Feel Like Saying It Didn’t Matter

This is where the advice to just let it go becomes particularly unhelpful.

Because what if it mattered?
What if you really loved that person?
What if what happened was unfair?
What if you deserved an apology you never received?

Letting go can feel like saying:

It’s fine.
I don’t care anymore.
What happened wasn’t that important.

However, you don’t have to say any of those things.

You can believe someone treated you unfairly and stop waiting for them to admit it, you can miss a relationship and accept that it’s over, and you can be disappointed by an outcome without spending the next year trying to make sense of every detail.

You don’t have to make something insignificant in order to stop struggling with it.

It mattered. Maybe it still does. That doesn’t mean it has to occupy the same amount of your life forever.

There’s A Difference Between Taking Action & Fighting Reality

Letting go isn’t an excuse to avoid something that still needs your attention.

Sometimes you need to speak up.
Have the uncomfortable conversation.
Set a boundary.
Make another attempt.
Change your circumstances.

But there’s a difference between taking action that could change something and continuing to fight for an outcome you can’t guarantee.

You can tell someone how their behavior affected you.
You can’t make them agree with your version of events.
You can put real effort into a relationship.
You can’t maintain it for two people.

And sometimes, you still have options.

You could send another message. Make another argument. Give something one more chance, but having an option doesn’t mean you have to keep taking it.

There may come a point when pursuing the outcome costs more than you’re willing to give.

You can decide something matters without deciding to keep fighting for it.

You Might Never Get The Ending That Makes Sense

One of the more uncomfortable parts of letting go is that we often want resolution first.

We want to understand why.
We want the apology.
We want to know we made the right choice.
We want the other person to acknowledge what happened.
We want the story to make sense before we put it down.

And sometimes, we get those things.

Sometimes, we don’t.

The person never explains.
The apology never comes.
The decision remains complicated.
The relationship ends without a conversation that makes everything feel complete.

It’s frustrating to accept an ending that doesn’t feel finished, but waiting for someone else to provide resolution can leave your life on hold.

You may never know exactly why they did what they did.
You may never feel completely certain about the choice you made.
You may never get the acknowledgment you deserved.
An unanswered question doesn’t have to become a permanent assignment.

You can still wish you had the answer, you can still believe you deserved one, and you can begin making choices from the reality you have, even when it isn’t the one you wanted.

Final Thoughts: You Don’t Have To Restart The Struggle

Maybe there’s a conversation you keep replaying.

An apology you’re still waiting for.
A decision you wish you could undo.
A future you thought you’d have.

Maybe there’s something you still need to do, but maybe you’ve already done what you can and what remains is the wish that things had ended differently.

You might still miss someone.
You might still feel disappointed.
You might remember what happened six months from now and feel that familiar sting.

Those feelings don’t mean you’ve failed to let go.

You don’t have to pretend you’re okay with what happened, you don’t have to find a silver lining, and you don’t have to stop caring.

The feeling may return. You don’t have to restart the struggle every time it does.

Thank you for reading this article.

Until next Sunday,
—Jessica
Your 2am friend who actually gets it

“Being okay with not being okay helps you let go.” —Yung Pueblo

🪩 A Gentle Invitation

No pressure. Just an invitation.🤝

NP Fellow Collective Podcast & Playlists on Spotify

MEDICAL DISCLAIMER

Weekly Skill: Create Emotional Space

Jess, The Creator — Wed, 16 Sep 2026 10:01:25 GMT

One grounded internal skill you can practice this week.

Last Sunday, we talked about what happens when every feeling becomes something to fix, explain, judge, or push through.

Sometimes we do the same thing with our lives.

We fill the calendar, fill the silence, fill every open minute with input, fill our heads with what everyone else needs, what we should be doing, and what still hasn’t gotten done.

And then we wonder why we can’t hear ourselves think.

So this week, we’re practicing something simple:

Notice where your life feels crowded and deliberately create some space there.

Not because you need to clear your calendar and disappear for a weekend.

Sometimes the space you need is much smaller than that.

Why This Skill Matters

It’s hard to know what you need when there’s no room to notice.

You can be so busy meeting obligations that you don’t realize you’re exhausted.
So focused on what everyone else wants that you haven’t considered what you want.
So surrounded by noise that silence starts feeling uncomfortable.
So determined to make a decision that you haven’t allowed yourself to say: I don’t know yet.

Last week, we practiced asking what matters to you.

This week is about making sure there’s enough room to hear the answer.

What This Skill Is

Creating emotional space means noticing where your life feels crowded and making room for whatever has been getting pushed out.

You Might Need More Space Than You Think

Jess, The Creator — Sun, 13 Sep 2026 10:00:19 GMT

“Being okay with not being okay helps you let go.”

🩵 A Note from Me

Hi, I’m Jessica.

I write NP Fellow Become The CEO of Your Health— a weekly mental health and functional medicine newsletter about building a healthier relationship with your mind, your body, and yourself.

You’re irritated.

Almost immediately, another thought arrives:

I shouldn’t be this annoyed.

You’re exhausted.

Come on. You’re fine.

Someone you love is upset.

You start trying to make them feel better before they’ve even finished telling you what happened.

You’re disappointed about something that probably shouldn’t be that big of a deal.

So you explain to yourself why it isn’t or maybe you don’t even get that far.

You reach for your phone, open another tab, find something to do, and keep moving.

→ Anything that keeps you from sitting with whatever just showed up.

We spend a surprising amount of time responding to our feelings before we’ve actually experienced them.

And eventually, there isn’t much room left to hear ourselves.

🚨🔊My New Annual Halloween Vibes playlist - 2026 edit is now out on Spotify along with my podcast called NP Fellow Collective!

We’re Very Good At Filling The Space

Most of us know what it means to need physical space.

A quiet room.
An afternoon without plans.
Ten minutes when nobody needs anything from us.

Emotional space can be harder to recognize because you can have an empty house and still have absolutely no room for yourself.

Your mind can be crowded with what you should be feeling, what needs to get done, what someone else needs, and whether your reaction makes sense.

→ Before you’ve had a chance to notice what you feel, you’re already cross-examining it.

That’s a different kind of crowded.

A Feeling Doesn’t Require an Immediate Response

We’re taught to do a lot with uncomfortable emotions.

Manage them.
Regulate them.
Reframe them.
Distract ourselves from them.
Figure out where they came from.

Sometimes those things are useful, but sometimes the first thing a feeling needs is enough room to exist.

You can be disappointed without immediately finding the bright side.
You can be anxious without treating the anxiety as proof that something is wrong.
You can be angry without sending the text.
You can be tired without building a legal case for why you deserve to rest.

A feeling can be real without being an instruction.

That matters because when we forget it, we tend to either obey the feeling or try to get rid of it.

There’s another option.

→ Let it be there for a minute. See what it has to say.

Then decide what you want to do.

We Often Give Other People More Room Than We Give Ourselves

Think about how you respond when someone you care about is struggling.

Of course you’re tired.
That makes sense.
You don’t have to figure this out tonight.
Take your time.

Then notice what happens when you’re the one struggling.

Get over it.
Other people have it worse.
Why am I still thinking about this?
I should be able to handle it.

Apparently compassion has a guest list and somehow, we keep leaving ourselves off it.

We can be remarkably generous with other people’s humanity while treating our own like an inconvenience.

→ Making emotional room for yourself means extending some of that same patience inward.

Not because every feeling is reasonable and not because every feeling needs to be followed, but because you’re allowed to know what you’re experiencing before deciding what to do with it.

Other People Need Room Too

Spaciousness goes both ways.

Someone else is disappointed?

→ We fix it.

They’re angry?

→ We defend ourselves.

They’re sad?

→ We try to cheer them up.

They disagree with us?

→ We explain harder.

Sometimes care looks like letting another person have an emotion without immediately trying to change it.

→ You can listen, you can care, you can stay present, and you can let their feelings belong to them.

You don’t have to make everyone okay in order to be okay yourself.

You Have To Be Able To Hear Yourself

Last week, we talked about letting your values have a vote, but you have to be able to hear yourself first.

→ When every feeling gets covered by a should, a distraction, or someone else’s opinion, that gets harder.

Maybe underneath the irritation is exhaustion.
Maybe the resentment is telling you that you keep agreeing to something you don’t want.
Maybe the disappointment matters more than you wanted to admit.
Maybe you don’t know what you think yet.

That last one deserves room too.

Spaciousness Can Be Very Small

You don’t need a silent retreat or an empty calendar and you definitely don’t need to disappear into the woods and become someone who makes their own soap.

→ Sometimes space is ten seconds.

Someone asks you for something and you say: “Let me think about it.”

You notice yourself getting defensive and don’t immediately respond.
You’re sad and resist the urge to explain why you shouldn’t be.
You sit in the car for a minute before walking into the house.
You let someone finish being upset without trying to make the feeling go away.
You notice what’s happening inside you and stay there for one beat longer than usual.

That counts because spaciousness isn’t measured in hours.

Sometimes it’s simply the distance between what you feel and what you do next.

Final Thoughts

Notice the moments when you rush yourself.

When you judge what you feel before you’ve even felt it.
When you hurry to make someone else okay.
When you reach for noise before you know what you’re trying not to hear.

Maybe you don’t need an answer yet.

Maybe you need a little more room.

Thank you for reading this article.

Until next Sunday,
—Jessica
Your 2am friend who actually gets it

“Don’t run away from heavy emotions. Honor the anger; give pain the space it needs to breathe.” —Yung Pueblo

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Weekly Skill: Choose Your Values

Jess, The Creator — Wed, 09 Sep 2026 10:00:54 GMT

One grounded internal skill you can practice this week.

Last Sunday, we talked about what can happen when you get really good at reading the room.

You notice what everyone else wants.

What will keep the peace.
What you’re supposed to do.
What might disappoint someone.

And sometimes your own voice gets lost in all that information.

So this week, we’re practicing a way to bring it back into the conversation because “stay true to yourself” sounds nice, but it’s pretty useless advice if you haven’t figured out what you actually want to stay true to.

That’s where values come in.

Why This Skill Matters

When the answer to a decision isn’t obvious, we tend to reach for whatever information is easiest to access.

What will other people think?
What am I supposed to do?
What would be easiest?
What will cause the least conflict?

Those questions aren’t necessarily bad.

However, there’s another one worth asking:

What matters to me?

→ Knowing your values gives you something to check your choices against.

They don’t need to run the decision. They need a vote.

What This Skill Is

The skill is simple:

→ Choose your values, define what they look like in behavior, and consult them when you make decisions.

Values are the qualities and priorities you want reflected in the way you live.

Family might be one.
Health.
Courage.
Curiosity.
Independence.
Honesty.
Responsibility.

However, choosing the word is only the beginning.

For a value to become useful, you need to know what it looks like in your life because two people can both value family and live that value very differently.

One might protect Sunday dinner. Another might call their parents every week.

Someone else might turn down a promotion that requires constant travel.

The word gives you the category. Your behavior gives it meaning.

The Common Mistake

This is where most values exercises lose me.

You’re handed a giant list of words and told to circle the five that “resonate.”

So you choose:

Family.
Health.
Honesty.
Courage.
Growth.

Congratulations.

You have selected five pleasant nouns. 😂

Now what?

A value isn’t particularly useful because it sounds admirable.

It becomes useful when it helps you decide what to do.

There’s another trap here too.

Choosing values based on the person you think you should be.

Maybe ambition mattered enormously to you ten years ago, maybe it doesn’t anymore, and maybe independence once meant doing everything yourself, and now you’ve realized asking for help matters too.

You aren’t choosing the values that would look best framed on your wall.

You’re identifying what matters enough to influence the way you live now.

How To Use This Skill

Use three steps:

1. Choose

Instead of starting with a list of words, start with your own life.

Think about a moment when you felt genuinely good about how you handled something.

Maybe you spoke up even though you were nervous.

What mattered there? Courage.

Maybe you protected an afternoon with your kids instead of squeezing in more work. Family.

Maybe you finally made the appointment you’d been putting off. Health.

Now look at moments that left you frustrated, resentful, disappointed, or uncomfortable with yourself.

Maybe you said yes when you wanted to say no, maybe you stayed quiet about something that mattered to you, and maybe work swallowed another weekend.

Ask yourself:

What mattered to me that wasn’t getting a vote?

Frustration can tell you quite a bit about your values.

Choose three to five that matter most to you right now.

2. Define

For each value, finish this sentence:

When I’m living this value, I…

Make the answer behavioral.

Instead of:

Family

Try:

When I’m living this value, I protect time to be present with the people I love.

Instead of:

Courage

Try:

When I’m living this value, I say what I think even when I’m nervous about how it will be received.

Instead of:

Health

Try:

When I’m living this value, I make choices that help me care for my body before something goes wrong.

Now you have something you can recognize in your actual life.

3. Consult

When you’re making a decision, pause and look at the values you chose.

Ask:

Which choice gets me closer to the person I want to be?

You may still compromise and you may decide someone else’s needs matter more in that moment.

Two of your values may even pull you in opposite directions.

That’s okay.

Values give you information. You still make the choice.

When To Use This Skill

You don’t need to consult your values before deciding what toothpaste to buy.

Use this skill when you notice:

You’re about to automatically say yes.
You’re more focused on someone’s reaction than your own answer.
Two reasonable choices are pulling you in different directions.
You keep feeling resentful about the same kind of decision.
Something looks right from the outside but doesn’t feel right to you.

Those are good moments to pause.

Ask what matters before momentum answers for you.

This Week’s Practice

Don’t try to consult five values during every decision you make this week.

You’ll be exhausted by Tuesday.

→ Pick one value.

Then define it: When I’m living this value, I…

Now look for one decision this week where you can give that value a vote.

If your value is courage, maybe you share an opinion you’ve been holding back.
If it’s family, maybe you protect an evening that work keeps trying to claim.
If it’s health, maybe you go to bed when you’re tired instead of bargaining with Netflix for another episode.
If it’s curiosity, maybe you ask a question before assuming you know what someone meant.

Keep it small.

The practice is simply this: Notice the decision. Check the value. Then choose.

Signs It’s Working

This probably won’t show up as some giant moment of certainty; it’ll be quieter.

You pause before an automatic yes.
You recognize sooner when you have a preference.
You understand why a particular decision keeps bothering you.
You catch resentment before it has three weeks to marinate.
You make a choice someone else doesn’t love and still understand why you made it.

And sometimes?

→ You make the exact same choice you would have made before.

This time, you chose it.

Why This Skill Compounds Over Time

The more often you ask what matters to you, the faster you start recognizing the answer.

You catch the automatic yes earlier.
You notice resentment sooner.
You recognize when you’re chasing something because you actually want it and when you’re chasing it because you think you’re supposed to.
You also get better at noticing when your priorities have changed.

At first, that may require a deliberate pause.

→ Eventually, you start hearing yourself sooner and that matters because most of us don’t disappear from our own decisions all at once.

It happens in small moments. So does coming back.

The One-Line Reorientation

When you’re caught between what you want, what someone else wants, and what you think you’re supposed to do, ask:

→ “What matters to me here?”

You don’t have to obey the first answer that appears.

Just make sure you hear it before you choose.

Closing Reflection

You won’t consult your values before every decision.

You don’t need to.

→ Start with the moments when your own answer is about to get drowned out.

Pause long enough to notice what matters.

Maybe you still say yes.
Maybe you compromise.
Maybe you choose someone else’s needs.
Maybe you change your mind entirely.

Whatever you choose, your values got a vote, and little by little, your decisions start sounding more like yours.

Know what matters. Then let it have a vote.

Thank you for reading this article.

— Jessica
Your 2am friend who actually gets it

“The practice that is right for you will be something that you find challenging, but not overwhelming. You have to locate your own sweet spot, where the practice is hard enough that it’s helping you grow, but not so difficult that too many heavy patterns and old emotions are coming up all at once.” —Yung Pueblo

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When Adapting Becomes Abandoning Yourself

Jess, The Creator — Sun, 06 Sep 2026 10:02:41 GMT

“Timeless values are compassion, self-love, curiosity, balance, humility, growth, and kindness.”

♥️ A Note from Me

Hi, I’m Jessica.

I write NP Fellow Become The CEO of Your Health— a weekly mental health and functional medicine newsletter about building a healthier relationship with your mind, your body, and yourself.

“Just be yourself.”

It sounds simple enough.

Until you start asking what that actually means because none of us moves through life as one completely unchanged version of ourselves.

You speak differently with your closest friend than you do with your boss.
You may be more reserved in one room and more outspoken in another.
You compromise.
You consider other people.
You grow.
You change your mind.

That’s part of being human, but sometimes something else happens.

We become so good at reading the room, keeping the peace, meeting expectations, and being who other people need us to be that we stop asking a fairly important question:

→ What do I actually think?

This week, we’re looking at the difference between adapting and abandoning yourself, and what can happen when your own voice gets quieter than everyone else’s.

🚨🔊My New Annual Summer Vibes playlist - 2026 edit is now out on Spotify along with my podcast called NP Fellow Collective!

We All Adjust

Think about the different versions of you that show up during an ordinary week.

There’s work you.
Friend you.
Partner you.
Parent you.
Family-gathering you.

Maybe there’s even a very specific version of you who appears around that one person who somehow makes you feel fifteen years old again.

We adjust to context.

That isn’t necessarily fake. It’s part of knowing how to move through the world with other people.

You probably shouldn’t speak to your boss exactly the way you speak to your best friend after two glasses of wine.

Context matters.

The question is whether you’re adjusting how you express yourself or changing yourself to stay acceptable to someone else.

Those can look surprisingly similar from the outside.

They don’t always feel similar on the inside.

Sometimes Self-Abandonment Looks Very Reasonable

We tend to imagine betraying ourselves as something dramatic.

Some enormous decision where we completely give up what we believe.

Usually, it’s quieter.

Someone asks what restaurant you want.

“I don’t care. Whatever you want.”

You do care.

You have an opinion in a meeting and you decide not to say it.

Someone asks you to do something you don’t have the capacity for.

“Sure.”

You want to say no.

You’re proud of something, but play it down because you don’t want to seem full of yourself.

You keep pursuing something you stopped wanting a long time ago because changing direction would require explaining yourself.

None of these moments seems particularly significant.

That’s what makes them easy to miss.

One compromise probably won’t make you lose yourself.

However, a thousand tiny decisions made primarily to avoid disappointing, upsetting, confusing, or being judged by other people?

Eventually, those add up.

You Read The Room Before You Read Yourself

There’s a reason we get good at this.

Human beings care deeply about belonging and over time we learn which versions of ourselves seem to work best around other people.

Maybe being agreeable kept things peaceful.
Maybe being accomplished earned praise.
Maybe being useful made you feel needed.
Maybe having strong opinions caused conflict.
Maybe saying no disappointed people.
Maybe being easygoing made life easier for everyone around you.

So you learned.

→ This version of me works here.

Those strategies may have genuinely helped you navigate relationships or difficult situations.

The problem is that we can keep using them long after we’ve stopped asking whether they still fit.

→ Eventually, you can become so practiced at noticing what everyone else wants that you barely notice what you want.

You read the room before you read yourself.

Being Liked Can Become A Decision-Making System

There’s nothing wrong with wanting people to like you.

Most of us would prefer acceptance to rejection.

However, watch what happens when avoiding disapproval starts making decisions for you.

Should I say something?
- Will they be upset?
Should I say no?
- Will they think I’m selfish?
Should I change direction?
- What will everyone say?
Should I tell them what I actually think?
- Maybe it’s easier if I don’t.

Notice who hasn’t been consulted yet.

You.

What do you think?
What matters to you?
What do you want?

What choice can you respect yourself for making?

Other people’s reactions have entered the decision before you have.

Do that often enough and you can end up living a perfectly reasonable life that doesn’t feel much like yours.

You Can Be Very Good At A Life You Don’t Want

Sometimes the roles we learn to play work incredibly well.

You become dependable.
Accommodating.
Successful.
Easy to work with.
The person everyone calls.
The one who can handle it.

People may even praise you for the exact qualities that are exhausting you.

That makes questioning them harder because what happens when the version of you everyone loves being around is the version that keeps saying yes when you want to say no?

What happens when changing means disappointing people who benefited from you staying exactly the same?

There may never be a dramatic moment where you suddenly realize:

I’ve lost myself.

It may sound more like:

Why do I keep saying yes and resenting it later?

Or:

Why does my life look fine but feel wrong?

Those questions are worth listening to.

Being Yourself Doesn’t Mean Staying The Same

There’s another problem hidden inside the advice to “stay true to yourself.”

→ It can make identity sound fixed.

As though somewhere inside you is the Official Version of You™ and your job is to protect that person from change forever.

Nope.

You’re allowed to change and you’re allowed to outgrow goals.

Change your mind.
Develop different priorities.
Leave identities that once fit you.
Realize you were wrong.
Become interested in something you never cared about before.
Want something different at forty than you wanted at twenty-five.

Changing doesn’t automatically mean you’ve betrayed yourself.

Sometimes changing means you’ve been paying attention.

So the question isn’t:

Am I still the person I used to be?

A more useful question is:

Does the way I’m living reflect what matters to me now?

There’s A Difference Between Compromise & Disappearing

Being true to yourself doesn’t mean getting your way all the time.

Relationships require compromise.
Families require flexibility.
Teams require cooperation.

Sometimes you do something you wouldn’t choose because it matters to someone you love.

→ That doesn’t mean you’ve abandoned yourself.

The difference is whether you still exist inside the decision.

You can compromise while knowing what you wanted.
You can consider someone else without automatically overriding yourself.
You can change your mind because someone made a good argument.
You can choose another person’s needs because caring for them matters deeply to you.

That choice can still be yours.

→ You can consider everyone else without removing yourself from the decision, but if your preferences, needs, opinions, and limits rarely make it into the conversation?

That’s worth noticing.

Start Listening For The Tiny Moments

You probably don’t need to disappear into the woods for three months to “find yourself.”

→ You’re still here.

Start paying attention.

Notice when someone asks what you want and your immediate instinct is to ask what they want.
Notice when you say yes before checking whether you actually have the time or energy.
Notice when you have an opinion and swallow it.
Notice when you make a decision and your first concern is how it will look.
Notice when you describe something you want and immediately explain why you probably shouldn’t want it.

Those moments contain information.

You don’t have to change every one of them.

Just notice because before you can make choices that feel like yours, you have to be able to hear yourself having a preference in the first place.

You Need Something To Come Back To

If being yourself isn’t about behaving the same way everywhere, never compromising, or refusing to change, then what keeps you connected to yourself?

→ You need some way of knowing what matters enough to guide you.

Something deeper than:

What will make everyone happy?
What am I supposed to do?
What will cause the least conflict?

→ You need to know what you want your choices to stand for.

That won’t make every decision obvious, but it gives your voice a seat at the table and sometimes that’s what staying true to yourself actually looks like.

Final Thoughts

Staying connected to yourself requires checking back in.

You’ll adapt.
Compromise.
Change.
Get influenced by people you love.
Make choices you later reconsider.

That’s life, but every so often, it’s worth checking whether you’re still participating in your own decisions.

→ So this week, notice one moment when you’re about to automatically agree, accommodate, stay quiet, or choose what you think you should want.

Before you answer, ask:

What do I think?

You don’t necessarily have to act on the answer. Just make sure you can still hear it.

You can change without losing yourself. Just don’t disappear from your own decisions.

Thank you for reading this article.

Until next Sunday,
—Jessica
Your 2am friend who actually gets it

“The default is to live from a place of ego, focused on surviving. The goal is to live from a place of compassion for yourself and others, which supports thriving.” —Yung Pueblo

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What I'd do if I had to start a Substack newsletter from zero in 2026.

You Don’t Have To Become Someone Else To Become A Substack Bestseller

Jess, The Creator — Fri, 04 Sep 2026 01:14:52 GMT

Editor’s Note: This article grew out of a recent Substack Live with Yana G.Y. of Unplugged with Yana G.Y., who just earned her orange Bestseller badge after crossing 1,000 paid subscribers. We sat down to talk about how she got there, what I’ve learned from my own Bestseller journey, and why growing on Substack doesn’t require becoming someone you’re not.

I came to Substack because I could write.

That was kind of the appeal.

→ Write the article. Hit publish. Send the email.

No dancing on TikTok, no perfectly staged YouTube studio, and definitely no going Live.

Actually, when Substack started adding more social features, I wasn’t exactly standing there with pom-poms cheering them on.

Notes?

“I’m not doing that.”

Lives?

“Absolutely not.”

I liked being behind the screen, thank you very much, and yet here I am. 😂

I recently went Live with , and somewhere in the middle of a conversation about how to become a Substack Bestseller, we ended up talking about something I think matters just as much:

You don’t have to become someone else to grow here.

You don’t have to copy the biggest writer in your category.
You don’t have to suddenly become a polished video personality.
You don’t have to teach something nobody on Earth has ever taught before.
And you certainly don’t need a podcast studio before you’re allowed to turn the camera on.

→ You need to figure out what works and then figure out how you are going to do it.

That’s what our conversation kept coming back to.

First, Let’s Talk About That Bestseller Badge

This Live happened at a pretty damn good time.

Yana had just reached 1,000 paid subscribers and earned her next Substack Bestseller badge.

So obviously I wanted details.

→ How did she get there and what changed between her first 100 paid subscribers and the next 900?

And one of the most interesting things she said was that the answer wasn’t simply time.

Yana went all-in on Substack in September 2024. She went from roughly 20 paid subscribers to 100 in about three months.

Then things slowed down.

She kept doing more of what had worked, Notes, posts, paid content, challenges, but her paid growth stayed around 30 new subscribers a month for a period of time.

Eventually she realized something.

→ Her paid offer was already converting.

She didn’t necessarily need to invent some shiny new thing.

She needed more of the right people entering the front of what she had already built.

So she started focusing much more deliberately on growing her free subscriber base.

→ That included writing a massive free article specifically for the kind of beginner she wanted to bring into her world.

And here’s my favorite part:

It flopped at first.

Yep.

The article she intentionally created to bring in subscribers didn’t immediately take off, so she kept promoting it.

→ She answered questions from people who fit the audience she wanted to reach.

→ She linked people back to the article when it could genuinely help them.

→ She shared the article through Notes, asked others to restack it, promoted it outside Substack, and eventually Substack started distributing it more widely.

The article continued bringing her subscribers long after she published it.

There’s a lesson sitting right there.

Sometimes the thing you created to grow your publication doesn’t need replacing. It needs distribution.

Your Best Free Work Can Have A Job

This part of our conversation really stuck with me because I’ve become increasingly interested in giving every piece of content a job.

Some content builds trust.
Some starts conversations.
Some converts.
Some gets discovered.
Some can keep introducing new people to your work months after you publish it.

→ Yana’s giant free article had a very specific job: bring new people into her world.

Her paid system could take it from there.

At one point during the Live, I said something I’ve had to learn myself:

Your best work shouldn’t automatically go behind the paywall.

That can feel backwards when you’re trying to make money from your writing.

You spent six hours creating the thing and now I’m telling you to give it away?

But think about what happens when your strongest article is sitting behind a door nobody new can open.

→ Sometimes your best work is exactly what should be out front.

It gives someone a reason to stop.

Read, subscribe, and wonder what else you have.

Yana described her free article almost like an evergreen entry point.

→ The article brings people in; the rest of her system has the job of turning the right readers into paid subscribers.

That distinction matters because if every piece of content is expected to attract, educate, sell, convert, retain, entertain, and make you breakfast, we may be asking a little too much from one article.

Give the thing a job. Then help it do that job.

But Strategy Wasn’t The Most Interesting Part of The Conversation

At some point, we started talking about competition because if you write about Substack on Substack, you’re going to notice something fairly quickly:

There are a LOT of people writing about Substack on Substack.

Yana does, I do, and other successful writers do.

So why would anyone need another person talking about the same subject?

We could ask the same question about health.

Personal finance.
Travel.
Business.
Parenting.
Food.

There are already thousands of people talking about all of them.

So should you pack up your little publication and go home?

Nope.

During the Live, I pointed out that Yana and I can both teach Substack and still approach it completely differently.

→ She has a business background. She loves digging into data. She builds AI tools. She thinks deeply about funnels, conversion rates, systems, and scaling.

I came into this from a completely different direction.

→ I’ve been writing since I was a kid. My professional background is nursing. I spent over four yers writing online before I really started learning marketing and thinking seriously about positioning, offers, and monetization.

Same platform, overlapping subject, and very different people.

And Yana said something that landed:

→ People subscribe to you.

Yes, the subject matters.

Your work needs to be useful, but your personality is part of what separates you from everybody else talking about the same damn thing.

There’s only one you.

That means your job isn’t to figure out how to become Yana, or me, or whoever currently has the shiny badge you want.

→ Study what they’re doing and look at what works.

→ Test it and borrow the principle, but then run it through your own brain, your own experience, your own strengths, your own audience.

That’s where your version comes from.

Which Brings Me Back To Going Live

This might have been my favorite part of our conversation because the irony is not lost on me.

I used to LOVE that Substack didn’t require me to go Live.

Seriously, that was a feature.

I could sit behind my computer, write my little articles, hit publish, and continue living my peaceful camera-free existence.

Then Substack added Lives.

When people first started asking me to go Live, my immediate reaction was basically:

No, thank you.

But eventually I had to ask myself whether refusing to use an entire part of the platform simply because it made me uncomfortable was actually helping me.

So I tried it.

Now I go Live regularly and I actually look forward to it.

During my conversation with Yana, we talked about why Substack Live feels different from some of the other places we’ve experienced video.

You don’t need to make it look like television.
You don’t need a studio.
You don’t need to wait until your hair is perfect.
You don’t need to turn yourself into whatever bizarre version of “internet professional” you think people expect.

→ Good audio?

PLEASE.

People do need to hear you. 😂

But beyond that?

Show up and have the conversation.

Yana described it almost like a Zoom call.

I said it feels like hanging out with friends and that’s pretty much what happened.

→ People joined us from different places. They asked questions in the chat. We talked about paid subscriptions, Notes, monetization, offers, content, going Live, and everything else the conversation wandered into.

It wasn’t perfectly scripted. That was the point.

You Might Be Making Growth Harder Than It Needs To Be

There’s a weird thing that happens when we decide we want to grow something.

We start looking outward.

What is that person doing?
What should I add?
What new platform do I need?
What tactic am I missing?
What do successful people know that I don’t?

Yana did this too.

When she wanted to increase her paid growth, she started thinking about what ELSE she could do.

Collaborations?
Affiliates?
Software?
Something nobody else had tried?

Then she looked at what she already had.

→ Her paid system was converting.

The answer was sitting inside the business she had already built.

→ She needed to bring more of the right free subscribers into it.

I think there’s a bigger lesson there.

Before you decide you need to reinvent yourself—or your publication—look at what’s already working.

Maybe you need more people seeing your best article.
Maybe you need to talk about your paid offer more often.
Maybe you need to make the offer clearer.
Maybe you need to use Notes to start more conversations.
Maybe you need to finally accept the Live invitation you’ve been avoiding since March.

Growth doesn’t automatically require becoming a completely different creator.

Sometimes growth asks you to do more with what’s already yours.

The Badge Is Proof.

It Isn’t The Personality.

A Bestseller badge is exciting.

Hell yes, celebrate it.🎉

Yana should be proud of reaching 1,000 paid subscribers.

And if you reach your first 100 subscribers, celebrate that too. (of course!!)🎉

Your first paid subscriber?

Celebrate.

First month publishing consistently?

Celebrate.🎉

First article that takes off?

Celebrate.🎉

First person who replies and says, I needed this today?

I’d celebrate that one too.🎉

We talked during the Live about sharing milestones because people like seeing other people make progress.

It lets your readers see that they’re part of something that’s moving, but the badge itself isn’t the thing that makes someone worth reading.

The person behind it does.
The work does.
The conversations do.
The willingness to keep testing things does.

Sometimes growth means doing something you swore you weren’t going to do.

→ Like Notes or going Live.

Apparently Substack has personally made it its mission to keep ruining my plans. 😂

It’s all good.

I’ll adapt, but I’m still going to do it like me and I think that’s the part I want you to take from my conversation with Yana.

Learn the strategy.
Pay attention to your numbers.
Build an offer people have a reason to buy.
Promote your work.
Try the features that make you a little uncomfortable.
Study the people who are further ahead.

But don’t mistake learning from someone for needing to become them.

Yana became a Bestseller her way and I became one mine.

→ You’ll have to find yours and maybe that starts with showing up exactly as you are and simply having the conversation.

↑ Watch my full Live conversation with Yana GY above

Resources From This Conversation

Yana’s top article for new writers & creators on Substack who are building a newsletter from scratch →

Unplugged by Yana G.Y.

If I had to start a Substack from scratch today, after building a bestselling publication with 10K+ subscribers and 500+ paid subscribers, making a consistent full-time income of $5k to $10K a month, this is how I’d do it…

6 months ago · 1773 likes · 291 comments · Yana G.Y.

Follow Yana at Unplugged by Yana G.Y. →

Follow Jess at NP Fellow Become The CEO of Your Health →

Follow Jess at Unstuck to Published →

Follow Jess at Nurse in the Market →

Thank You

Thank you so much for everyone who tuned into this live, your presence is truly appreciated, and to the people who are watching the replay, thank you!

-Jess, The Creator & Yana G.Y.

Weekly Skill: Make The Clear Claim

Jess, The Creator — Wed, 02 Sep 2026 10:03:14 GMT

One grounded internal skill you can practice this week.

Why This Skill Matters

Listen to what happens when someone asks us to talk about ourselves.

“I just helped with the project.”
“I kind of came up with the idea.”
“I was lucky enough to get the opportunity.”
“I guess I’m pretty good at it.”
“I don’t know if I’m qualified, but…”

We add tiny escape hatches to the sentence.

Just.
Kind of.
Maybe.
I guess.
Lucky.

Sometimes we think this makes us sound humble, but those words can also make what we’re saying less accurate.

This week’s skill is about noticing when you shrink your own contribution, strength, or desire and practicing something different:

Make the clear claim.

Say what’s true. Then leave it alone.

What This Skill Is

A clear claim is a direct, accurate statement about something you did, something you do well or something you want.

For example:

I led the project.
I’m good at explaining complicated ideas clearly.
I’m proud of what I created.
I’d like to be considered for the position.

Notice what isn’t there.

No apology, no unnecessary qualifier, and no attempt to convince anyone you’re extraordinary.

→ You’re simply giving accurate information.

That’s the skill.

The Common Mistake

When people hear self-promotion, they often imagine they need to become more impressive.

Talk themselves up, sound confident, and sell themselves, but if that feels unnatural, we tend to run in the opposite direction.

We minimize.

The goal isn’t to replace:

“I just helped.”

with:

“This entire project would have collapsed without my brilliance.”

Please don’t.

The goal is to make the sentence accurate.

No inflation and no minimization.

If you contributed, say how.
If you led, say you led.
If you’re good at something, name it.

If you want something, ask to be considered.

The Practice: Catch → Check → Claim

1. Catch The Shrink

Start by listening for the words you use when talking about yourself.

Especially:

just
kind of
maybe
I guess
I got lucky
it wasn’t a big deal
anyone could have done it
I don’t want to brag, but…

You may also notice yourself giving away the subject of the sentence.

Instead of: “I created the proposal.”

you say: “We had this proposal…”

Even though you created it.

You don’t have to police every word you say.

Just start noticing when your language makes your actual contribution smaller.

2. Check The Facts

Before trying to sound more confident, ask something simpler:

What actually happened?

Not the humble version and not the impressive version.

The accurate one.

Did you help with the project? Or did you lead it?
Did you get lucky? Or did an opportunity appear that you were prepared to take?
Did you kind of create something? Or did you create it?
Did everyone contribute? Great. What did you contribute?

This step matters because self-promotion without accuracy becomes exaggeration.

We’re not doing that.

We’re looking for the sentence you can stand behind without making it bigger or smaller than it is.

3. Make The Clear Claim

Now say the accurate version.

Instead of:

“I just helped organize the project.”

Try:

→ “I organized the project.”

Instead of:

“I guess I’m pretty good at bringing people together.”

Try:

→ “One of my strengths is bringing people together.”

Instead of:

“I was lucky enough to get promoted.”

Try:

→ “I earned a promotion.”

Instead of:

“I don’t know if I’m qualified, but I thought maybe I could be considered.”

Try:

→ “I’d like to be considered.”

Then comes the surprisingly difficult part.

Stop talking.

Don’t rush in to soften the sentence.
Don’t explain why it wasn’t actually that impressive.
Don’t immediately list everyone who helped because you suddenly feel guilty for using the word.

Let the accurate statement stand.

Try It On Paper

Think of something you’ve recently accomplished, contributed to, created, or asked for.

Write the version you normally say first.

1. THE SHRUNK VERSION

“I just helped put the presentation together.”

Now ask:

2. WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED?

I developed the presentation, organized the information, and delivered it to the team.

Then write:

3. THE CLEAR CLAIM

“I developed and presented the proposal to the team.”

A second example:

1. THE SHRUNK VERSION

“I’ve been playing around with writing a little.”

2. WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED?

I’ve been writing consistently for six months and publishing my work.

3. THE CLEAR CLAIM

“I’m a writer, and I publish my work regularly.”

→ Read your clear claim out loud.

If it makes you slightly uncomfortable?

Good. Don’t immediately rewrite it into something smaller.

Self-Promotion Isn’t Only About Work

You don’t need a promotion, resume, business, or LinkedIn account to practice this.

Maybe you made something you’re proud of.

“I painted this.”

Maybe you finished something difficult.

“I’m proud that I finished it.”

Maybe you have an idea you want people to hear.

“I have an idea I’d like to share.”

Maybe someone compliments you.

Instead of explaining why the compliment isn’t entirely deserved: “Thank you. I’m proud of it too.”

Maybe there’s something you want.

“I’d like the opportunity to try.”

The circumstances change. The skill doesn’t.

Can you tell the truth about yourself without immediately taking some of it back?

This Week’s Practice

For the next seven days, make one clear claim each day.

Nothing dramatic.

Catch one moment when you’re about to minimize something you did, want, or do well.

Then:

Catch the shrink.
Check the facts.
Make the clear claim.

Maybe it happens in a meeting.

An email.
A conversation with a friend.
An application.
A social post.
Or simply when someone asks what you’ve been working on.

One sentence. No performance required.

Signs It’s Working

You may notice yourself catching the just, kind of, or maybe before it leaves your mouth.

You accept a compliment without explaining it away.
You say what you contributed without immediately handing the credit somewhere else.
You ask for an opportunity instead of hoping someone thinks of you.

You’ll know the skill is working when the accurate sentence starts feeling less uncomfortable to say.

The One-Line Reorientation

→ “Say the true thing. Then stop shrinking it.”

Closing Reflection

For many of us, the hardest part isn’t knowing what we’ve done.

It’s saying it plainly.

So this week, listen for the moment when you start making the sentence smaller.

Pause and ask:

What actually happened?

Then say that and resist the urge to explain it away.

Let the sentence stand.

Thank you for reading this article.

— Jessica
Your 2am friend who actually gets it

“It was not time that healed you; it was your courage to feel everything you used to run from.” —Yung Pueblo

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Your Work Can’t Speak For Itself: How To Self-Promote Without Feeling Like You’re Bragging

Jess, The Creator — Sun, 30 Aug 2026 10:01:31 GMT

“Peace isn’t having the wisdom to handle change without stress; it’s having a balanced mind amid the ups and downs of life.”

🫶 A Note from Me

Hi, I’m Jessica.

I write NP Fellow Become The CEO of Your Health— a weekly mental health and functional medicine newsletter about building a healthier relationship with your mind, your body, and yourself.

Many of us were taught not to brag.

Be humble.
Let your work speak for itself.
Don’t make everything about you.

There’s wisdom in humility, but somewhere along the way, many of us learned something else:

Make yourself smaller so nobody thinks you think too highly of yourself.

So we do good work, we contribute, we accomplish something we’re proud of, and then, when it’s time to talk about it, we suddenly forget how declarative sentences work.

This week, we’re looking at why being seen can feel so uncomfortable, what self-promotion actually asks of us, and why taking ownership of what you bring isn’t the same thing as bragging.

🚨🔊My New Annual Summer Vibes playlist - 2026 edit is now out on Spotify along with my podcast called NP Fellow Collective!

Your Work Can’t Speak For Itself

Imagine someone asks about a project you recently completed.

You’re proud of it, you worked hard, and you made an important contribution.

And you say:

“Oh, I just helped with it.”

Or someone compliments something you did well.

“Honestly, I got lucky.”

You’re asked about one of your strengths.

“I don’t know. I guess I’m pretty good at…”

You want an opportunity.

“I’m not sure if I’m qualified, but I thought maybe…”

Interesting, isn’t it?

We can spend months doing the work, but thirty seconds talking about it?

Absolutely unbearable.

Why Being Good At Something Can Be Easier Than Saying You’re Good At It

There’s a reason self-promotion can make us squirm.

Many of us associate talking about ourselves with arrogance.

We’ve met the person who dominates every conversation with their accomplishments.

→ The colleague who takes credit for work they barely touched.

→ The person whose LinkedIn page reads like they personally invented electricity.

We don’t want to be that person.

Fair, but there’s an enormous amount of room between exaggerating your importance and pretending you don’t have any.

Yet when we’re afraid of crossing into arrogance, we often overcorrect.

We minimize.
Qualify.
Deflect.
Give the credit away before anyone has accused us of taking too much.

At some point, humility becomes minimization.

Your Work Cannot Speak For Itself

There’s a piece of advice many capable people love:

→ Let your work speak for itself.

It sounds noble. There’s just one problem.

Your work doesn’t have a mouth.

People don’t automatically know what you contributed.

Your manager may see the finished project without knowing you were the person who solved the problem everyone was stuck on.
A potential client may know what you do without knowing what you’re particularly good at.
Someone considering you for an opportunity may have no idea you want it.

Your work provides the evidence, but people still need enough information to understand what you contributed.

→ They can’t recommend you for something they don’t know you can do.

→ They can’t consider you for an opportunity they don’t know you want.

Sometimes that information has to come from you.

Waiting To Be Discovered Is Still A Choice

It can feel safer to wait.

Wait for someone to notice.
Wait for someone to recommend you.
Wait for your boss to remember what you contributed.
Wait for somebody to ask exactly the right question so you finally have permission to talk about what you do well.

And sometimes people will notice.

Good mentors advocate for us.
Colleagues mention our contributions.
Friends recommend us.
Managers open doors.

Those relationships matter, but if other people are the only ones allowed to talk about what you bring, you’ve handed them responsibility for your visibility.

→ They decide when your name comes up, which part of your contribution gets remembered, and whether the opportunity reaches you at all.

That’s a lot to outsource.

The Hard Part May Be Letting Yourself Be Seen

Maybe self-promotion isn’t uncomfortable because you don’t know what to say or maybe you know exactly what you did.

You just feel strange saying it out loud because the moment you say:

I’m good at this.
I did this.
I’m proud of this.
I want this opportunity.

You’ve made yourself visible and visibility comes with risk.

Someone can disagree.
Someone can think you’re too much.
Someone can decide you’re not as good as you think you are.
Someone might judge you.

So we add protection.

Just.
Maybe.
Kind of.
I got lucky.
It wasn’t really a big deal.

Tiny words, but watch what they do.

They make the claim smaller before anyone else gets the chance to.

Taking Credit Isn’t Taking All The Credit

There’s another reason people hesitate to name their contribution.

Most meaningful work involves other people.

You had support.
Someone taught you.
A team helped.
Circumstances played a role.
Another creator helped you.

Good.

Acknowledging your contribution doesn’t require pretending none of that exists.

You can say:

“Our team did excellent work, and I led the project.”

Both can be true.

You can be grateful for an opportunity and acknowledge what you did with it.
You can appreciate the people who helped you and still name your own effort.
You can recognize luck without using it to explain away your competence.

Giving yourself credit doesn’t require stealing it from somebody else.

Self-Promotion Doesn’t Require A Performance

Maybe we’ve made self-promotion harder than it needs to be.

We imagine we have to sell ourselves.

Sound impressive.
Convince people we’re exceptional.
Become louder.

However, what if self-promotion were less about performing and more about accurately reporting?

What did you do?
What are you good at?
What did your contribution change?
What do you want to be considered for?

Say that.

You’re Allowed To Take Yourself Seriously

There’s something vulnerable about taking yourself seriously in front of other people.

It means saying:

This matters to me.
I believe I’m capable of this.
I think I have something worth contributing.

And then resisting the urge to laugh it off.

That takes practice because courage isn’t always walking into the room with your shoulders back and delivering the perfect pitch.

Sometimes it’s much less dramatic.

Sometimes courage sounds like:

“I led that.”
“I’m proud of what I created.”
“This is something I do well.”
“I’d like to be considered.”

And then stopping. No disclaimer required.

Final Thoughts

There will always be people who promote themselves more loudly than you do.

→ Let them.

The goal isn’t to become the loudest person in the room.

It’s to stop disappearing from your own story.

Other people can’t recognize what you consistently refuse to name.

So the next time you catch yourself saying just, maybe, kind of, or I got lucky, pause.

Ask yourself:

What would I say if I weren’t trying to make this smaller?

Then say the accurate version.

Not the inflated version and not the impressive version.

→ The true one.

Self-promotion isn’t making yourself bigger. It’s refusing to make yourself smaller.

→ Your work can’t speak for itself.

Sometimes you have to speak for it.

Thank you for reading this article.

Until next Sunday,
—Jessica
Your 2am friend who actually gets it

“Humans are built for redemption. We’re born into imperfection and live it daily, but just as we can make mistakes, we can also learn with enough conviction, we can understand where we went wrong, break from the past, and learn better and kinder ways of existing.” —Yung Pueblo

🪩 A Gentle Invitation

No pressure. Just an invitation.🤝

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