Betrayed? Good. Now You’re Unstoppable.
The fierce guide to regaining self-trust after being blindsided.
“The moment you realize it wasn’t you—it was never you—is the moment you begin to reclaim your power.”
A Note from Me
Hi, I’m Jessica—and if you’ve ever been blindsided, betrayed, or burned by someone you trusted, this one's for you.
We don’t talk enough about sabotage.
The kind that sneaks in through the back door of your life—quiet, calculated, and coming from the person you least expected.
Maybe it was a coworker who undermined you behind closed doors.
A partner who chipped away at your confidence.
A friend who couldn’t clap when you won.
Whatever the form, sabotage hurts—and it often leaves you questioning your sanity, your worth, and your strength.
But, here’s the truth: you’re not crazy and you’re not alone.
Let’s walk through what to do when someone tries to tear you down—and how to rise up stronger than ever.
The Neuroscience of Sabotage & Reframing
Sabotage is processed in the brain’s threat system—triggering the amygdala and flooding your body with stress hormones.
Reframing thoughts shifts activation from the limbic system (emotional processing) to the prefrontal cortex (logic & executive functioning), which means you gain mental clarity, regain control, and rebuild calm.
When you name your thoughts, reframe the meaning, and anchor to truth—you literally change your brain chemistry.
That’s not soft. That’s science.
Betrayed? Good. Now You’re Unstoppable.
The fierce guide to regaining self-trust after being blindsided.
1. Spotting Sabotage (Without Gaslighting Yourself)
Sabotage can be covert (hidden or secret) or overt (open or public).
Sometimes it’s wrapped in a compliment. Other times it’s loud and unmistakable.
What makes sabotage so damaging is the self-doubt it leaves behind.
Recognizing the Signs:
You feel undermined after conversations.
You’re rarely, if ever, acknowledged.
Your ideas are dismissed until someone else says them.
You constantly second-guess yourself in their presence.
Your wins seem to provoke silent resentment instead of support.
Avoiding Self-Gaslighting:
We often rationalize toxic behavior—especially from people we love or admire.
However, if you’re constantly defending someone else’s behavior while abandoning your own truth, that’s not humility. That’s harm.
Quick Exercise✍️
Set aside time to journal a full page or two reflecting on how this person makes you feel—not just what they do or say, but how your entire being reacts in their presence.
Pay close attention to the emotional currents that rise within you, the thoughts that echo in your mind, and the physical sensations you experience.
Do you feel tension in your chest?
A drop in your mood?
A sense of ease or anxiety?
Does your energy rise—or deplete—after interactions with them?
This isn’t about judging them or analyzing their behavior. It’s about reconnecting with your own inner signals.
Patterns will begin to surface—emotional fingerprints that repeat. Trust what you find.
These subtle cues are your nervous system’s way of speaking to you.
When you listen, you’ll begin to understand what’s serving your peace—and what’s costing it.
2. Responding Without Revenge
The most tempting response to sabotage is to fight fire with fire.
To call them out, to expose them, to win, but here’s the catch:
Retaliation might feel powerful in the moment, but it keeps you tethered to the same low energy that tried to destroy you.😱🤯
Emotional Detachment Techniques:
Name your emotion: “I feel betrayed” is more grounding than “They’re evil.”
Pause before you respond: Take a second to choose, not react.
Anchor to truth: You DON’T need their validation—you already know what happened.
Constructive Responses:
“I’m creating some distance right now—not out of anger, but out of self-respect.”
“I’m choosing to take a step back to protect my peace and sanity.”
“I noticed that what I shared privately was repeated publicly. That’s not okay with me.”
“This isn’t a goodbye, but I’m taking a step back for now. Protecting my peace is something I take seriously.”
“I’m setting a boundary for my well-being and stepping back from this dynamic at the moment. I appreciate your understanding.”
Not everything needs confrontation, but every act of sabotage needs a boundary.
3. Creating Psychological Distance
There’s a difference between detachment and indifference.
Detachment says, “I choose peace over chaos.”
Indifference says, “I don’t care.” or “We care, but not at the cost of our mental health.”
Boundaries are Love in Action:
Unfollow, mute, and limit access.
Block if necessary and don’t hesitate; just do it.
Grey rock: Be boring and don’t feed into the drama.
Don’t bite the bait and sip on toxic waste.
Stop over-explaining.
Boundaries need clarity, not permission.
Mindfulness Practices for Distance:
Body scan when triggered—name in the body where the emotion sits.
Visualization: Picture yourself surrounded by a gold light barrier. Their energy can’t penetrate.
See yourself radiating gold light from all angles of your body.
Positive Affirmations:
“I honor my feelings without shame.”
“I am safe. I am grounded. I am whole and fully capable.”
“Even in discomfort, I am anchored in my truth.”
“I release what doesn’t serve me, and return to myself.”
“I don’t need to explain my boundaries to honor them.”
“I am not responsible for other people’s reactions.”
“I return to my breath. I return to my center. I return to myself.”
“I trust the signals of my body—they guide me wisely.”
The more psychological distance you create, the less power their behavior holds.
Growing Through Betrayal (and Regaining Trust in Yourself)
Betrayal is brutal because it shakes your foundation.
You begin to question your intuition.
You wonder how you missed the signs.
You replay every moment, looking for what you did wrong.
Let me say this clearly: You did not deserve to be treated that way.
What Betrayal Teaches:
Not everyone clapping is cheering for you.
People reveal themselves in your success and your struggle.
Protection often looks like rejection.
Rebuilding Self-Trust:
Do what you told yourself you would do and honor your self-commitments.
Keep small promises you made to yourself. These rebuild self-belief.
Write a new story.
Instead of “I always get betrayed,” say “I’m learning to see red flags sooner.”
Surround yourself with expanders.
People who affirm your light, not dim it.
You’re not hard to love and you’re not “too much.”
You’re simply someone who refuses to shrink.
Final Thoughts
Your comeback is quiet and certain.
You don’t have to scream. You don’t have to explain. And you definitely don’t have to prove.
You just have to keep going. Your success will be the sweetest revenge.
Protect your peace like it’s sacred—because it is.
Choose your response like your future depends on it—because it does.
Remember, “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
And know this: anyone trying to sabotage you already knows how powerful you are.
You? You’re just getting started.
Thank you for reading this article.
Until next Sunday,
—Jessica
Your 2am friend who actually gets it
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MEDICAL DISCLAIMER
This content is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not intended to provide medical advice or to take the place of such advice or treatment from a personal physician. All readers/viewers of this content are advised to consult their doctors or qualified health professionals regarding specific health questions. All viewers of this content, especially those taking prescription or over-the-counter medications, should consult their physicians before beginning any nutrition, supplement or lifestyle program.
Beautifully written Jess. Love this one so much
Between stimulus and responses there is time. Hurt people, hurt people. Thanks for giving some science behind this and practical ways to deal with the it.
Great write up Jess!