Thank you for writing this. I really appreciate the compassion and hope in your post, especially the reminder that recovery is possible with the right treatment and support.
I’m currently in a very painful situation myself. I haven’t been able to see my 3-month-old twins. When I asked institutions for help, something unexpected happened. The question was no longer “who is right?” — it became “who might be dangerous?”
I’ve been writing about how high-conflict relationships and BPD-like dynamics can slowly create that narrative.
In my situation, one of the hardest parts is that the person involved does not acknowledge the problem, and sometimes even denies that the situation ever happened. Because of that, suggesting professional help feels almost impossible.
If you have any ideas about how someone might gently guide a person in that position toward seeing a doctor or therapist, I would be very grateful to hear them.
Your writing about hope and treatment made me think about that question again. Thank you for sharing your perspective.
BPD is no joke whatever side of the equation youre on.
Th problem with BPD is the person usually doesn't want help or doesn't see they have a problem because it's "part of their personality." so they see nothing wrong with themselves and no reason to change, they can't see it. and will blame everyone else.
its rough condition to deal with even for therapists because the patients are so hard to help unless they are really wanting that help and open to treatment.
if you have to get law enforcement or the courts involved, do it. unfortunately thats normal for dealing with people with BPD. the baby twins need you and you help. so you do what you have to do. if the mom doesn't want help nothing you can do, but you can help yourself and take the appropriate steps to protect yourself and the twins.
I would suggest her;ing yourself and twins first then get the mom help. you could seek therapy and see how to go about it or go right to the police or courts.
Hi, thank you for taking the time to write such a thoughtful reply.
I agree with what you said. One of the most difficult aspects of situations like this is that if a person doesn’t recognize that there is a problem, it becomes extremely hard to guide them toward treatment. From the outside certain patterns may seem clear, but from their perspective it can feel completely different.
In my case, that has been one of the hardest parts. Some events that I clearly remember are sometimes denied entirely, which makes even the idea of suggesting therapy feel almost impossible.
What also surprised me was what happened after I reached out to institutions for help. The discussion quickly shifted away from what actually happened to a different question: who might be dangerous. That change in framing altered the entire situation.
The twins are still very young, so my main focus right now is trying to protect them while navigating this situation carefully.
Thank you again for sharing your perspective and encouragement. It means a lot.
Thank you, I really appreciate your kindness and support.
What you said about not being able to change the other person — I’m starting to understand how true that is. It’s been one of the hardest things to accept.
I’m currently seeing a psychiatrist, but I’ve been wondering about therapy as well. In Japan, they can be quite different — psychiatry often focuses more on medication, while therapy seems more focused on talking and processing. I’m thinking it might be helpful to look into that too.
And yes… the part where the situation shifts and you’re seen as the “dangerous” one — that’s something I still struggle to understand.
thanks!!! you can listen to the audio version by clicking the voice over at the top of the article or you can listen on my podcast on spotify as well!!!!
Appreciate this piece, Jessica. The 'CEO of BPD' framing cuts clean through the noise—turns a heavy label into something you can actually lead and shape. Solid hope grounded in real tools like DBT, practical ways to help without losing your own ground, and no false promises. Clarity like this is rare. Thanks for the steady hand on the wheel. -wildfire 🔥
are you the CEO of BPD? someone you know have it? DBT is really really powerful especially for personality disorders, but really anyone can benefit from DBT!
Great article, Jessica. Also a boost for DBT. Several years ago, I ran a DBT group and so many of the skills are applicable to just about everyone. Particularly skills around interpersonal effectiveness and mindfulness.
I dated someone who I believe had BPD and it was HELL. I spent the entire relationship navigating a mine field. Felt like a war zone. I stayed way too long - because most people with BPD it seems don’t know or even care that they have it because everything is “everyone else’s fault.”
Great article and my hope is that those with it recognize they need help and seek out that help, and those affected by it by proximity ultimately know when to jump ship and care for their mental well-being. ❤️
Yeah, I too had my Nightmare experience two years ago. I suspect she had more NPD than BPD and the two have overlapping symptoms. I never met a more cold blooded manipulator in my life. Absolutely no empathy. Met her days after she was released from jail for domestic violence. I too stayed way too long, from the love bombing and sex. I had to get help after the discard. It was the most dumpster fire mindfuck that ever happened to me and hopefully never again! It’s how I discovered my codependency that I’ve mostly worked out of after therapy and Coda meetings.
wow, thank you for sharing about your experience with dating someone with BPD again! you're so strong and I'm glad youre no longer in that relationship. BPD is very debilitating for both sides. and with personality disorders, people tend to have 2-3 different types all at once. so most likely your partner had NPD too which just makes everything worse!! you nailed it with absolutely no empathy as narcissists don'y typically have any or the ability to show love.
you’re a trooper, Lisa! seriously! dating someone with BPD is a lot of work and preparation and pre-planning and anticipating explosions. those diagnosed usually dont want to change since its part of their “personality” thats why its such a difficult condition to have.
thank you so much for reading, Lisa! I appreciate you more than you know. 🐐
Thanks for this, Jessica! I, as you know, also write for and work with people struggling with mental health issues. I appreciate this article, made me understand BPD better, and how I can help. 🙏🏻
most definitely! if theres any other mental health conditions you want me to deep dive to help you help others better let me know! next up is pure OCD.
thank you, Lynn! BPD can be a very rough condition to have or live with someone who does. i’m glad you have an understanding of it now! are there any other deep dives of mental health conditions you’d like me to cover or you’ve been interesting in learning about? I love doing deep dive posts.
dude we are always on the same wavelength 😅🤣 it's like you read my mind! my next deep dive I was going to publish was actually going to be about OCD, specifically pure OCD, so stay tuned!! appreciate you so much.
You’re welcome, Eladio! Thank you so much for reading. Are there any other mental health conditions that stood out to you or that you remember reading about during your schooling?
There were quite a few, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is one. Autism Spectrum also stood out. There was also schizophrenia. I found all of these to be quite interesting.
Hi Denise! I’m glad this was helpful for you. BPD is a rough condition to live with for both the person who has it and the person or people living with that person so I wanted to spread some awareness and shed some light of hope and help for both individuals or family.
Thank you for writing this. I really appreciate the compassion and hope in your post, especially the reminder that recovery is possible with the right treatment and support.
I’m currently in a very painful situation myself. I haven’t been able to see my 3-month-old twins. When I asked institutions for help, something unexpected happened. The question was no longer “who is right?” — it became “who might be dangerous?”
I’ve been writing about how high-conflict relationships and BPD-like dynamics can slowly create that narrative.
https://mizu7.substack.com/p/when-a-father-becomes-dangerous?r=7uk9es
In my situation, one of the hardest parts is that the person involved does not acknowledge the problem, and sometimes even denies that the situation ever happened. Because of that, suggesting professional help feels almost impossible.
If you have any ideas about how someone might gently guide a person in that position toward seeing a doctor or therapist, I would be very grateful to hear them.
Your writing about hope and treatment made me think about that question again. Thank you for sharing your perspective.
Hi, Shu! thank you for reading and reaching out!
BPD is no joke whatever side of the equation youre on.
Th problem with BPD is the person usually doesn't want help or doesn't see they have a problem because it's "part of their personality." so they see nothing wrong with themselves and no reason to change, they can't see it. and will blame everyone else.
its rough condition to deal with even for therapists because the patients are so hard to help unless they are really wanting that help and open to treatment.
if you have to get law enforcement or the courts involved, do it. unfortunately thats normal for dealing with people with BPD. the baby twins need you and you help. so you do what you have to do. if the mom doesn't want help nothing you can do, but you can help yourself and take the appropriate steps to protect yourself and the twins.
I would suggest her;ing yourself and twins first then get the mom help. you could seek therapy and see how to go about it or go right to the police or courts.
Hi, thank you for taking the time to write such a thoughtful reply.
I agree with what you said. One of the most difficult aspects of situations like this is that if a person doesn’t recognize that there is a problem, it becomes extremely hard to guide them toward treatment. From the outside certain patterns may seem clear, but from their perspective it can feel completely different.
In my case, that has been one of the hardest parts. Some events that I clearly remember are sometimes denied entirely, which makes even the idea of suggesting therapy feel almost impossible.
What also surprised me was what happened after I reached out to institutions for help. The discussion quickly shifted away from what actually happened to a different question: who might be dangerous. That change in framing altered the entire situation.
The twins are still very young, so my main focus right now is trying to protect them while navigating this situation carefully.
Thank you again for sharing your perspective and encouragement. It means a lot.
hi, Shu!
I also have this second article about BPD,
https://www.npfellowcollective.com/p/bpdfollowup?r=2glptb&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
I would definitely seek therapy during this difficult time to help you.
you can't change the other person, but you can help yourself.
they should be saying that the person with BPD is dangerous not you though. I don't get that.
you're welcome anytime!! im here for you
Thank you, I really appreciate your kindness and support.
What you said about not being able to change the other person — I’m starting to understand how true that is. It’s been one of the hardest things to accept.
I’m currently seeing a psychiatrist, but I’ve been wondering about therapy as well. In Japan, they can be quite different — psychiatry often focuses more on medication, while therapy seems more focused on talking and processing. I’m thinking it might be helpful to look into that too.
And yes… the part where the situation shifts and you’re seen as the “dangerous” one — that’s something I still struggle to understand.
Thank you for being here. It really means a lot.
I enjoyed your peice. 🌻
🔎 I Spy With My Nervous Eye…
Meet Nervous Nelly.
Nelly notices everything.
Signals. Patterns. Tiny shifts most people miss.
Somewhere in her room is a clue about Story 1 in this lived-experience series.
👀 Follow along — Story 1 launches March 26th.
Your post gives hope to most people out there Jessica!
When people hear "personality disorder"...
They often think it's permanent.
But you're showing us the truth.
With the right treatment?
People heal.
DBT works.
Skills can be learned.
And the brain can change.
BPD isn't a "life sentence".
It's a condition that responds to treatment.
And knowing this?
Changes our view and perception of how we see it.
Thanks for the awesome post!
great piece to raise awareness here!
Appreciate that
Good read 🔥 … where can I listen to the audio version ???
here is the link to my podcast: https://open.spotify.com/episode/6GmzKqoxqMOUGu3I7ZwepK?si=f921010bd9b44c61
thanks 🤘
Thank YOU!!
thanks!!! you can listen to the audio version by clicking the voice over at the top of the article or you can listen on my podcast on spotify as well!!!!
Appreciate this piece, Jessica. The 'CEO of BPD' framing cuts clean through the noise—turns a heavy label into something you can actually lead and shape. Solid hope grounded in real tools like DBT, practical ways to help without losing your own ground, and no false promises. Clarity like this is rare. Thanks for the steady hand on the wheel. -wildfire 🔥
are you the CEO of BPD? someone you know have it? DBT is really really powerful especially for personality disorders, but really anyone can benefit from DBT!
No im not. I gave you the title because how knowledgeable you are on it. Good work.
wow! thank you so much, Wildfire! I'm honored! stay tuned for a follow-up article on BPD very soon!!
Thank you, Jess, for this extremely informative and considered piece about a very sensitive topic.
Thank you, Dr. Sam. I’m glad you found it informative!!
Jessica you are educating so many people with this post and all of your insightful posts. Thank you!
thank you so much, Chris! I'm grateful you found this piece educating!! any other mental health conditions you'd like to see in another deep dive?
I’ve read a lot of people on here on Substack mention dealing with imposter syndrome — I think that could be a really helpful deep dive for some!
here is the link! let me know if this article suffices or I should do a deeper dive! appreciate you so much, Chris! @chrisbwrites
https://open.substack.com/pub/npfellowjess/p/the-1-skill-you-need-in-2026?utm_campaign=post-expanded-share&utm_medium=web
also my weekly skill article #1 (paid article) is about how to overcome imposter syndrome, the skill is called "identity bridging"
https://www.npfellowcollective.com/p/weekly-skill-identity-bridging?r=2glptb&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
Yes that’s right! Very helpful for people!
thank you, Chris!!
thanks, Chris! I actually have an article about overcoming imposter syndrome!!!
Great article, Jessica. Also a boost for DBT. Several years ago, I ran a DBT group and so many of the skills are applicable to just about everyone. Particularly skills around interpersonal effectiveness and mindfulness.
that’s awesome, Dr. Cort! i’m currently in an intensive therapy program and doing DBT!! its been life-changing for me.
I dated someone who I believe had BPD and it was HELL. I spent the entire relationship navigating a mine field. Felt like a war zone. I stayed way too long - because most people with BPD it seems don’t know or even care that they have it because everything is “everyone else’s fault.”
Great article and my hope is that those with it recognize they need help and seek out that help, and those affected by it by proximity ultimately know when to jump ship and care for their mental well-being. ❤️
Yeah, I too had my Nightmare experience two years ago. I suspect she had more NPD than BPD and the two have overlapping symptoms. I never met a more cold blooded manipulator in my life. Absolutely no empathy. Met her days after she was released from jail for domestic violence. I too stayed way too long, from the love bombing and sex. I had to get help after the discard. It was the most dumpster fire mindfuck that ever happened to me and hopefully never again! It’s how I discovered my codependency that I’ve mostly worked out of after therapy and Coda meetings.
wow, thank you for sharing about your experience with dating someone with BPD again! you're so strong and I'm glad youre no longer in that relationship. BPD is very debilitating for both sides. and with personality disorders, people tend to have 2-3 different types all at once. so most likely your partner had NPD too which just makes everything worse!! you nailed it with absolutely no empathy as narcissists don'y typically have any or the ability to show love.
you’re a trooper, Lisa! seriously! dating someone with BPD is a lot of work and preparation and pre-planning and anticipating explosions. those diagnosed usually dont want to change since its part of their “personality” thats why its such a difficult condition to have.
thank you so much for reading, Lisa! I appreciate you more than you know. 🐐
Thank you Jess! Appreciate you too.
Thanks for this, Jessica! I, as you know, also write for and work with people struggling with mental health issues. I appreciate this article, made me understand BPD better, and how I can help. 🙏🏻
most definitely! if theres any other mental health conditions you want me to deep dive to help you help others better let me know! next up is pure OCD.
I'll keep a lookout on your pub for the next series of articles. They are so helpful! 🤩
stay tuned! I got a follow-up BPD article coming out tomorrow morning at 7am EST!!
Looking forward to reading it 😘
appreciate u, Anna!!
I've heard of BPD, but never knew much about it. Your post does a great job explaining it.
thank you, Lynn! BPD can be a very rough condition to have or live with someone who does. i’m glad you have an understanding of it now! are there any other deep dives of mental health conditions you’d like me to cover or you’ve been interesting in learning about? I love doing deep dive posts.
Have you ever written about OCD? I know someone who has it and I’d love to know more.
dude we are always on the same wavelength 😅🤣 it's like you read my mind! my next deep dive I was going to publish was actually going to be about OCD, specifically pure OCD, so stay tuned!! appreciate you so much.
Perfecto!
Thanks for this deep dive, Jessica! I did not know much about BPD until reading this article. I touched on it a bit in my undergrad program.
You’re welcome, Eladio! Thank you so much for reading. Are there any other mental health conditions that stood out to you or that you remember reading about during your schooling?
Hi Jessica,
There were quite a few, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is one. Autism Spectrum also stood out. There was also schizophrenia. I found all of these to be quite interesting.
This one hits home as I'm supporting someone I deeply care for who has bpd.
Educating yourself is definitely needed, thank you for this post Jess.
You’re welcome, Jess! I glad you found it helpful. It can be rough on either side of the condition. Great work giving that person your support. 🫶🏼
So helpful
Appreciate you!
Thanks Jessica. I’ve always wanted to know more about BPD, as I think someone close to me has this. This was helpful.
Hi Denise! I’m glad this was helpful for you. BPD is a rough condition to live with for both the person who has it and the person or people living with that person so I wanted to spread some awareness and shed some light of hope and help for both individuals or family.