Reality Is Usually Both
Why emotional health means making room for more than one truth.
“You know you have been away from the present moment for far too long when your mind starts rehearsing old grudges and gets caught up in imaginary arguments.”
♥️ A Note from Me
Hi, I’m Jessica.
I write NP Fellow Become The CEO of Your Health— a weekly mental health and functional medicine newsletter about building a healthier relationship with your mind, your body, and yourself.
The older I get, the more I realize that peace doesn’t come from eliminating every contradiction. It comes from making room for them.
Some of the most meaningful moments in life hold joy and grief, confidence and uncertainty, all at the same time.
Maybe that’s not a flaw in being human and maybe that’s exactly what being human looks like.
Reality Is Usually Both
There comes a point in life when simple answers stop working.
You love someone...and they disappoint you.
You know leaving is the right decision...and you grieve what you’re leaving behind.
You’re healing...and you still have difficult days.
You’re proud of how far you’ve come...and frustrated by how far you still want to go.
At first, these experiences feel confusing.
Almost like something must be wrong.
You think:
“If I’m still sad, maybe I haven’t healed.”
“If I’m scared, maybe this isn’t the right decision.”
“If I’m angry, maybe I don’t really love them.”
“If I’m grieving, maybe I shouldn’t be moving forward yet.”
Our minds want one emotion to explain everything.
One answer and one truth because if two opposite feelings exist at the same time...which one are we supposed to trust?
Maybe that’s the wrong question.
Maybe neither feeling needs to cancel the other.
Maybe this is simply what it means to be human.
We Crave Certainty
Our minds naturally look for clean answers.
Good or bad.
Right or wrong.
Stay or leave.
Success or failure.
There is comfort in certainty because certainty feels predictable and predictability feels safe.
However, life rarely stays inside neat categories.
You can miss a chapter of your life you would never choose to live again.
You can feel relieved after making a difficult decision...and still grieve what it cost.
You can love your work...and need a break from it.
You can deeply love someone...and realize the relationship is no longer healthy.
Two truths can exist without cancelling each other out.
Why Our Minds Resist Complexity
When life becomes uncertain, our brains naturally look for the simplest explanation especially during stressful seasons.
If I’m struggling...I must be failing.
If I feel fear...I must not be ready.
If I have doubt...I must be making the wrong decision.
Simple stories feel safer because they reduce uncertainty, but emotional health asks something different of us.
Instead of asking:
“Which feeling is the real one?”
It invites a different question:
What if both are true?
Sometimes that’s where clarity begins.
Emotional Maturity Looks Different
One of the biggest misconceptions about emotional health is that emotionally healthy people stop having conflicting emotions.
They don’t.
They become less afraid of them and they stop expecting one feeling to erase another.
Instead, they learn to say:
“I’m grieving...and I’m grateful.”
“I’m afraid...and I’m capable.”
“I’m disappointed...and I still care.”
“I don’t know everything...and I know enough to take the next step.”
That shift doesn’t eliminate discomfort.
It creates steadiness because you’re no longer waiting for life to feel simple before you trust yourself.
A Different Way Forward
The next time you find yourself pulled in two directions, resist the urge to settle the debate immediately.
Pause and take one slow breath.
Then ask yourself:
What else can also be true?
Maybe you’re scared...and ready.
Maybe you’re grieving...and growing.
Maybe you’re exhausted...and deeply grateful.
Maybe the feeling you’ve been trying so hard to eliminate isn’t standing in the way of your growth and maybe it’s growing alongside it.
Some experiences aren’t meant to be solved.
They’re meant to be carried.
Journaling Prompts
Where am I expecting life to be simpler than it really is?
What two truths am I struggling to hold at the same time?
Which emotion have I been trying to get rid of instead of understand?
What would change if I stopped seeing mixed emotions as a problem to solve?
Where could I replace either/or thinking with both/and thinking this week?
Final Thoughts
Much of adulthood is learning that life rarely asks us to choose between one truth and another.
More often...it asks us to carry both.
Love and disappointment.
Confidence and doubt.
Joy and grief.
Hope and uncertainty.
Emotional maturity isn’t choosing one feeling over another.
It’s learning that two truths can exist without cancelling each other out.
And perhaps one of the healthiest things we can do is stop asking life to become simpler......and become steady enough to hold its complexity.
Thank you for reading this article.
Until next Sunday,
—Jessica
Your 2am friend who actually gets it
“Be honest with yourself about where you’re going, how you feel while you’re heading there, and who you want to be when you arrive.” —Yung Pueblo
🪩 A Gentle Invitation
If this article resonated with you, you may appreciate my new product called Weekly Skill, a paid NP Fellow series focused on one real, grounded internal skill each week regarding attention, impulse control, emotional regulation, presence, and learning how to work with your nervous system instead of against it.
No pressure. Just an invitation.🤝
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MEDICAL DISCLAIMER
This content is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not intended to provide medical advice or to take the place of such advice or treatment from a personal physician. All readers/viewers of this content are advised to consult their doctors or qualified health professionals regarding specific health questions. All viewers of this content, especially those taking prescription or over-the-counter medications, should consult their physicians before beginning any nutrition, supplement or lifestyle program.
"I am afraid and I am capable." Both existing at the same time is such a powerful message and one that resonates for many. Sometimes the discomfort stays and we have to move forward. Great message, Jess.