The #1 Thing You're Doing Wrong When The Past Comes Knocking Back to Haunt You, Part 4
You’ve come too far to let someone drag you back. Here’s how to hold your ground, protect your peace, and shield your comeback energy.
“The battle is over; I’m done fighting myself. Stressing over what I’ve done or what I should have done simply doesn’t help. I want to see myself without pointing fingers to move forward with grace, to see mistakes as lessons, and allow them to improve my future actions. Instead of being attached to the past, I want to peacefully connect to the present.”
A Note from Me
Hi, I’m Jessica.
If you’ve been reading the last few NP Fellow pieces, you already know we’ve been walking through the raw, personal, and powerful process of healing—from disappointment, to betrayal, to rebuilding a new self.
But here’s something people don’t talk about enough:
Just because you’ve healed… Doesn’t mean the person who broke you won’t try to come back. Sometimes they do.
And not always to apologize or not always to fix things, but to test the waters. To re-enter and try to pull you back into their storm now that you’ve found peace.
This article is for that moment.
Today, we talk about what happens next—when you’ve rebuilt your life and the person or people who hurt you come knocking again.
This piece is about safeguarding your healing and inner calm, reinforcing the comeback, and not letting the wound reopen.
When the door creaks open again…and you have to decide whether to bolt it shut—or let the past back in.
Let’s talk about how to protect the peace you’ve worked so hard to rebuild.
With love and gratitude,
Jess
My yearly designed Halloween playlist for 2025 is out on Spotify!!
The #1 Thing You’re Doing Wrong When The Past Comes Knocking Back to Haunt You
You’ve come too far to let someone drag you back.
Here’s how to hold your ground, protect your peace, and shield your comeback energy.
When They Come Back: Recognizing The Re-Entry Tactics (And How They Work)
You’ve done the work.
You’ve picked up the pieces, stitched yourself together, and started walking toward the light again. You’ve journaled, cried, raged, rested, and rebuilt.
Then, just when the pain starts fading…they come back.
Maybe it’s a text, a like on your post, or a casual “just checking in.”
And suddenly, your stomach flips. Your heart speeds up. Your breath stops. The peace you worked so hard for threatens to crumble.
The return is rarely loud. It’s often subtle, polite, confusing, or familiar. It rarely starts with “I want to come back.”
Instead, it sounds like:
“I’ve been thinking about you lately.”
“I miss our conversations.”
“Just checking in…how have you been?”
“I’ve changed. I promise.”
And suddenly, you’re back in your head—second-guessing, wondering, and feeling that old pull.
Here’s the truth:
🧠 Your brain remembers the bond.
💔 Your body remembers the pain.
Even when you know better…Even when you’ve healed…Even when you don’t want them back…you feel something. And that’s okay.
It’s your instinct—not your logic—that will scream the loudest when something is off.
The Body Keeps Score
Your nervous system has a memory; yep it has stored all of your memories from birth until right now.
Even if your mind says “I’m fine,” your body might scream: “We’re not safe.”
It could be a tight chest, a nauseous stomach, a sudden fatigue. That’s not weakness. That’s data.
Learn to recognize your body’s alarms.
When your gut churns, jaw clenches, or your shoulders stiffen… that’s instinct speaking.
It’s the wisdom your brain may try to override with logic, nostalgia, guilt, or even pity.
Don’t ignore it. Don’t gaslight it. Honor it.
Why They Come Back
People return for many reasons:
Guilt
Control
Nostalgia
Comfort
Ego
But it’s rarely because they’ve truly changed.
And even if they have…You still get to say no.
You don’t owe access to anyone just because you once handed it over freely.
Healing doesn’t require reunion. Closure doesn’t require conversation. Forgiveness doesn’t require reentry.
You Don’t Have to Explain Your Growth
Let this be your reminder:
You’re allowed to outgrow people.
You’re allowed to protect your peace.
You’re allowed to evolve, even if others stay the same
It’s okay to grow in a different direction.
Growth sometimes means letting go
It’s okay to walk a different path with love and gratitude.
You can honor what was and still choose what is.
Distance doesn’t mean disrespect.
You’re allowed to stay in your healed timeline.
You’re not abandoning people—you’re returning to yourself.
Just because they knock doesn’t mean you have to answer.
You can grieve the past without re-living it. You can love what you once had without reopening the wound.
You can send grace—and still say goodbye. You can honor the past while choosing a new future.
You can walk away without bitterness—and still walk in peace. You can release with love—and rise with clarity.
You can set boundaries with compassion—and still begin again. You can wish them well—and guard your soul.
You can forgive quietly—and move forward boldly. You can soften your heart—and still stand your ground.
You’re Not Who You Were
When you were wrecked, maybe you would’ve welcomed them.
But now? You’re wiser, more anchored, and not easily shaken.
You’re no longer driven by the need to be chosen.
You choose yourself and that choice is final.
The Strongest Closure is Silence
You don’t have to argue.
You don’t have to defend your peace. You don’t even have to respond.
The healed version of you doesn’t chase clarity. She, or he, is the clarity.
Let the past be the past and let your future remain unshaken.
You’re not just in a comeback story anymore. You’ve arrived and awakened.
You’re home. And this time, the doors are locked from the inside.
What To Do: A 5-Step Process To Protect Your Peace
Pause and Breathe.
When they reach out—don’t react.
Pause. Breathe. Use the space between stimulus and response to choose your reaction.
Sit with the truth of how they made you feel, not the fantasy of what you wanted them to be.
🌀 Your nervous system will tell the truth before your brain tries to justify it.
Remember Why You Left.
Revisit the journal entries.
The texts you never sent.
The nights you cried.
The way you felt walking away from their chaos.
🌀 You don’t have to hate them to say no. You just have to love yourself more.
Rebuild The Boundary.
They might not respect your no. That’s okay. You reinforce it anyway.
Whether it’s silence, a short reply, or a firm “This chapter is closed,” you don’t owe access to anyone just because they’re curious again.
Reconnect With The Life You Built Without Them.
Re-read your vision.
Revisit the routines that helped you heal.
Call the friend who never left.
🌀Your peace and inner calm is not a performance—it’s a practice. You earned it. Protect it.
Rewire The Old Pattern.
The part of you that’s tempted to go back?
That’s not weak. That’s the part of you that once needed them.
🌀 Honor her, or him. Then choose differently.
The Neuroscience of Reentry: Why You’re Tempted, & How To Override It
Our nervous system doesn’t choose what’s right—it chooses what feels safest.
Our brains are pattern-seeking machines. They crave familiarity—even if it hurt.
The dopamine hit of seeing their name.
The cortisol spike of re-engaging.
The oxytocin rush from the memories of good moments and fun times.
But healing is about rewiring and creating new patterns; not replaying.
So here’s your science-backed reminder:
Every time you say no to the past, you’re training your brain to feel safer in the present. You’re creating emotional muscle memory that leads to future strength and resilience.
Final Thoughts: You’re Allowed To Stay Healed
You didn’t go through all that just to let someone pull you back into the storm they never left.
You didn’t crawl out of the wreckage just to return to the fire. You rebuilt for a reason.
Let this be the chapter where the door stays closed—not because you’re bitter, but because you’re finally free.
You deserve relationships that match your peace.
You deserve a life that honors your growth.
You deserve to protect what you rebuilt.
And if you needed permission to close the door all the way?
Here it is:
You’ve come too far to be pulled back. This phase of your healing—where the wound is closed but still tender—is sacred. Protect it. Nurture it. Let your instinct, not your triggers, guide you forward.
If this series resonated with you, and you’re ready for deeper support, tools, and guidance to stay anchored in your comeback—
🪩 Consider Joining The Gold Tier of NP Fellow.
It’s where we go beyond inspiration and into integration—with practical tools, exclusive digital products, morning rituals, and private community support to keep you grounded in your growth.
Because healing isn’t just about what happened—It’s about what happens next.
🙌Before you go:
I also created a companion PDF just for you called “30 Affirmations for Rebuilding The Bridge.”
These are the words I wish I had during my own healing.
Download them, print them, repeat them—especially on the hard days.
🌀Click below to download your affirmations PDF.
With deep gratitude,
Thank you for reading this article.
Until next Sunday,
—Jessica
Your 2am friend who actually gets it
“If you want to elevate your life to the higher vision of your intuition tells you is possible, you must be ready to accept that those close to you may not believe in you at first. Stepping away from what’s common by doing something totally unexpected strikes fear in many.” —Yung Pueblo
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MEDICAL DISCLAIMER
This content is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not intended to provide medical advice or to take the place of such advice or treatment from a personal physician. All readers/viewers of this content are advised to consult their doctors or qualified health professionals regarding specific health questions. All viewers of this content, especially those taking prescription or over-the-counter medications, should consult their physicians before beginning any nutrition, supplement or lifestyle program.
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Incredible article, Jess! Definitely saving this one to come back to!