I didn't know, but I dreamt about it (the lie). I dreamt about it over and over.
Years later I shared my suspicions with a friend. Her response was, well maybe you're right. That motivated me to confront. And lo and behold I was right!
The deception was so personal and so deep I stopped sharing anything about myself. I redefined the boundaries of the personal relationship.
Haha, after reading that piece, when I looked at your next post on self-validation, it gave me a really interesting feeling. But since I only saw the preview, I might completely misunderstand your latest article.
When we start overanalyzing someone else's behavior, it usually goes down two paths. One leads straight to an endless spiral where we end up completely cutting ties with them. The other is trying to teach ourselves to let go, laugh it off, and just keep living our lives. But does that second path actually contradict self-validation? Because we are forcing ourselves to think: I should not be this upset, I am reacting too much, I should be over this by now... and so on.
Some people would say, "No way, that is about letting yourself off the hook, giving yourself a better chance to live happily and cherish things that truly matter instead of obsessing over trivial unpleasantness!" Ah... but is it actually that hard to achieve true inner peace? Most of the time, aren't we just forcing ourselves to change our perspective simply to maintain a harmonious relationship?
I have heard many people talk about this. Why do we waste energy trying to figure out why someone treated us that way, why they said those things, or why I didn't think of a comeback at the time? One school of thought says it is completely meaningless. Other people's words and actions belong to them, and what they do is their right. We cannot predict or control it, so we should just look after ourselves and make sure we do not get hurt. Another school of thought says know your enemy and know yourself to win every battle. Use the lesson to figure out how the hurt happened so you won't get bullied the same way again. And of course, there is always the school of thought that says go to war and fight them to the bitter end, never backing down from a conflict with those who hurt us.
Honestly, I don't know which one is best. I have tried all three, and none of them ever made me feel truly at peace inside, haha.
Jess, Ironically I read this while taking a break from writing my post next week about being blindsided in the workplace. In those situations, sometimes you can see the signs and sometimes it truly does come out of nowhere.
You're right that you want to confront and go on the attack but you also have to play it cool, gather your wits about you and get practical.
BTW I loved the line about you won't hear dramatic music playing but it would be helpful :)
Thank you for reading and commenting, Melanie! I’m so sorry you are going through that in the workplace. You definitely don’t deserve that treatment. And somehow you and I are both connected if we have pieces about being blindsided (unfortunately) coming out around the same time.
Thanks Jess, actually those are past wounds that have since somewhat healed, but I purposely don't forget them as important life lessons came out of them.
Yes I do think we have some commonalities and I always apprecaite our support for each other :)
Absolutely! Love @Yung Pueblo’s clarity & connection poetry collection. Definitely one to check out! Think this one will now occupy my nightstand’s October residency😄 thanks for the inspo to pull it off my shelf!
its definitely okay to sit with your emotions before giving an immediate reaction especially if its something you're going to regret, or if its gonna make you look like a poor reactor and now everyone is blaming you because you reacted poorly even though that doest address the root cause of the actual problem.
Being blindsided can make you stop trusting your own judgement because you didn’t see it coming.
But not predicting someone else’s behaviour is not the same as having poor judgement. The more useful question is what the experience revealed- Were there signals I dismissed, information I couldn’t have known, or assumptions I now need to update?
I didn't know, but I dreamt about it (the lie). I dreamt about it over and over.
Years later I shared my suspicions with a friend. Her response was, well maybe you're right. That motivated me to confront. And lo and behold I was right!
The deception was so personal and so deep I stopped sharing anything about myself. I redefined the boundaries of the personal relationship.
I now trust my dreams as truth tellers.
I don’t even know what to say! 🔥🔥
me either my man!!!
Haha, after reading that piece, when I looked at your next post on self-validation, it gave me a really interesting feeling. But since I only saw the preview, I might completely misunderstand your latest article.
When we start overanalyzing someone else's behavior, it usually goes down two paths. One leads straight to an endless spiral where we end up completely cutting ties with them. The other is trying to teach ourselves to let go, laugh it off, and just keep living our lives. But does that second path actually contradict self-validation? Because we are forcing ourselves to think: I should not be this upset, I am reacting too much, I should be over this by now... and so on.
Some people would say, "No way, that is about letting yourself off the hook, giving yourself a better chance to live happily and cherish things that truly matter instead of obsessing over trivial unpleasantness!" Ah... but is it actually that hard to achieve true inner peace? Most of the time, aren't we just forcing ourselves to change our perspective simply to maintain a harmonious relationship?
I have heard many people talk about this. Why do we waste energy trying to figure out why someone treated us that way, why they said those things, or why I didn't think of a comeback at the time? One school of thought says it is completely meaningless. Other people's words and actions belong to them, and what they do is their right. We cannot predict or control it, so we should just look after ourselves and make sure we do not get hurt. Another school of thought says know your enemy and know yourself to win every battle. Use the lesson to figure out how the hurt happened so you won't get bullied the same way again. And of course, there is always the school of thought that says go to war and fight them to the bitter end, never backing down from a conflict with those who hurt us.
Honestly, I don't know which one is best. I have tried all three, and none of them ever made me feel truly at peace inside, haha.
hi Timichelle! this is article is un-related to my article about avoiding self-punishment and practicing self-validation!
here is my article that is the first article to the self-valdation Eries and my make more sense to you 🙌🫶: https://www.npfellowcollective.com/p/how-long-are-you-supposed-to-feel?r=2glptb&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
Jess, Ironically I read this while taking a break from writing my post next week about being blindsided in the workplace. In those situations, sometimes you can see the signs and sometimes it truly does come out of nowhere.
You're right that you want to confront and go on the attack but you also have to play it cool, gather your wits about you and get practical.
BTW I loved the line about you won't hear dramatic music playing but it would be helpful :)
Thank you for reading and commenting, Melanie! I’m so sorry you are going through that in the workplace. You definitely don’t deserve that treatment. And somehow you and I are both connected if we have pieces about being blindsided (unfortunately) coming out around the same time.
Thanks Jess, actually those are past wounds that have since somewhat healed, but I purposely don't forget them as important life lessons came out of them.
Yes I do think we have some commonalities and I always apprecaite our support for each other :)
This was so good, Jess! These kinds of situations can be so hard! Appreciate your words. And love the Yung Pueblo quote💛
Thank you so much, MB!!!! I appreciate YOU! And you can’t go wrong with Yung Pueblo!
Awwww that’s awesome!!
Absolutely! Love @Yung Pueblo’s clarity & connection poetry collection. Definitely one to check out! Think this one will now occupy my nightstand’s October residency😄 thanks for the inspo to pull it off my shelf!
I use the way forward everyday
get the way forward and inward both are fire. theyre part of the 3 series
I have two copies of the whole series!! the soft cover and hard covers lmao
I will totally get it! Awesome! Thanks for recommending!
🍀💰👀🎾🥶🏡😎😶🌫️
🤗🤗🤗
🫶🙌🐐🎉
It’s okay to sit with your own thoughts for a moment. You don’t always need to or should have an immediate reaction.
its definitely okay to sit with your emotions before giving an immediate reaction especially if its something you're going to regret, or if its gonna make you look like a poor reactor and now everyone is blaming you because you reacted poorly even though that doest address the root cause of the actual problem.
Truth! When things come out of left field, you sometimes need a minute to process!
Being blindsided can make you stop trusting your own judgement because you didn’t see it coming.
But not predicting someone else’s behaviour is not the same as having poor judgement. The more useful question is what the experience revealed- Were there signals I dismissed, information I couldn’t have known, or assumptions I now need to update?
thank you so much for commenting. Th question you presented is very useful!
Skies to die for.
thanks, Virgil!! I went to the sunrise and got some new photos finally!!