Something Good Can Come From Something You Didn’t Want

You don’t have to call something good to decide what you’ll do with it.

“Do you know why you are powerful? Because you can change the future.”

🧡 A Note from Me

Hi, I’m Jessica.

I write NP Fellow Become The CEO of Your Health— a weekly mental health and functional medicine newsletter about building a healthier relationship with your mind, your body, and yourself.

I’ve been thinking lately about how quickly we’re expected to find the good in something difficult. The lesson. The reason. The silver lining.

I believe something good can come from experiences we never would have chosen.

However, I also think we’re allowed to say, “I didn’t want this,” before we decide what we’re going to do with it.

This week, I wanted to make room for both.

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Miami Beach, FL, USA

Sometimes Things Don’t Work Out.

• You don’t get the job.

• The relationship ends.

• Someone disappoints you.

• The plan you were counting on falls apart.

• You get news you didn’t want.

And almost immediately, someone wants to help you find the bright side.

• “Everything happens for a reason.”

• “Maybe this is a blessing in disguise.”

• “Something better is coming.”

Maybe, but sometimes, when something hurts, you don’t need to know why it happened.

You need a minute to admit:

• I really wanted that.

• I’m disappointed.

• This isn’t what I thought was going to happen.

• This sucks.

There’s nothing wrong with eventually finding meaning in a difficult experience, but you don’t have to rush there.

You don’t have to pretend something is good to believe something good can still come from it.

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You Don’t Need A Silver Lining Yet

There’s something uncomfortable about a bad thing just being…bad.

We want the explanation, the lesson, or the reason and preferably by Tuesday because if we can figure out what something means, it can feel less random, less disappointing, and maybe even less painful.

So we rush toward the reframe.

• Maybe I needed this.

• Maybe it wasn’t meant for me.

• Maybe something better is coming.

Sometimes those thoughts genuinely help, but sometimes they’re a prettier way of avoiding: “I’m hurt.”

You don’t need to turn disappointment into gratitude before you’ve experienced the disappointment.

You don’t need to call the closed door a blessing while you’re still standing there wondering why the hell it closed.

→ Sometimes the honest response comes first.

I didn’t want this.

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Miami Beach, FL, USA

Eventually, This Becomes The Reality You’re Working With

At some point, whether you approve of what happened or not, it becomes the reality you have to work with.

• The job went to someone else.

• The relationship ended.

• The opportunity disappeared.

• The plan changed.

You can hate that reality, you can wish it were different, and you can still be angry, disappointed, scared, or confused, but eventually the question changes.

Instead of:

How do I make this not have happened?

It becomes:

What can I do with what happened?

→ That’s a different question because one keeps you negotiating with the past.

The other gives you somewhere to go.

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Adversity Can Show You Things Comfort Never Had To

When life is going according to plan, you don’t always have a reason to examine much.

→ You keep moving.

Then something interrupts you and suddenly you learn things you weren’t particularly interested in learning.

• You discover who shows up.

• You discover what matters more than you thought.

• You find out where you need help.

• You notice a boundary you should’ve had a long time ago.

Sometimes what adversity gives you isn’t a grand lesson.

→ It’s information.

• This isn’t working anymore.

• I need to ask for help.

• I can survive being rejected.

• I trusted someone I shouldn’t have.

• I need a different plan.

None of that means the adversity was necessary and it doesn’t mean you should be grateful it happened.

→ It means difficult experiences can reveal things easier circumstances never required you to see.

Adversity doesn’t have to be secretly good to become useful.

→ And whatever becomes useful doesn’t need to justify what happened.

You don’t have to rewrite the pain to keep the lesson.

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Miami Beach, FL, USA

You Still Get A Say In What Happens Next

This might be the most important part.

Something can happen that you had absolutely no say in.

You didn’t choose it, you couldn’t prevent it, and you still get some say in what happens next.

Not complete control.

Life doesn’t work that way, but you still have choices.

You can decide who you call.

• Whether you ask for help.

• Whether you try again.

• Whether you change direction.

• Whether you have the conversation.

• Whether you rest before making any decisions at all.

Adversity has a way of shrinking our attention down to whatever went wrong.

• The rejection.

• The loss.

• The diagnosis.

• The mistake.

• The betrayal.

For a while, it can feel like that one thing is the entire landscape. It isn’t.

→ There are still decisions available to you.

Sometimes tiny ones and tiny still counts.

You may not get to choose what happened. You still get to participate in what happens next.

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Final Thoughts: The Hard Thing Doesn’t Get The Final Word

Maybe someday you’ll look back and understand what this experience gave you.

Maybe you won’t or maybe something wonderful will happen because your original plan fell apart.

Maybe you’ll build something good that has absolutely nothing to do with why the hard thing happened and maybe years from now, you’ll still look back and think: Yeah. I could’ve done without that.

Both can be true.

• You don’t have to be grateful for everything that shaped you.

• You don’t have to turn every loss into a lesson.

• You don’t have to decide the hard thing was secretly meant for you.

You can simply leave room for the possibility that what happened isn’t the only thing that gets to determine what happens next.

You don’t have to rewrite the pain to keep whatever you learned from it. What happened is part of the story.

It doesn’t get to write the rest of it by itself.

Thank you for reading this article.

Until next Sunday,
—Jessica
Your 2am friend who actually gets it

“Don’t run away from heavy emotions. Honor the anger; give pain the space it needs to breathe.” —Yung Pueblo

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🪩 A Gentle Invitation

If this article resonated with you, you may appreciate my new product called Weekly Skill, a paid NP Fellow series focused on one real, grounded internal skill each week regarding attention, impulse control, emotional regulation, presence, and learning how to work with your nervous system instead of against it.

No pressure. Just an invitation.🤝

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MEDICAL DISCLAIMER

This content is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not intended to provide medical advice or to take the place of such advice or treatment from a personal physician. All readers/viewers of this content are advised to consult their doctors or qualified health professionals regarding specific health questions. All viewers of this content, especially those taking prescription or over-the-counter medications, should consult their physicians before beginning any nutrition, supplement or lifestyle program.

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