How to Practice Gratitude in Dark Times, Heartbreak, or When You’re Falling Apart
A raw, honest guide to finding meaning in the middle of pain.
“Find the tools you need to heal.”
A Note from Me
Hi, I’m Jessica.
I’ve been reflecting a lot on what it means to feel grateful when life is anything, but easy.
During my four years working on the pediatric hematology oncology floor in an inner-city hospital, I witnessed more pain and loss than many see in a lifetime—children fighting cancer, parents navigating the unimaginable, families walking through both hope and heartbreak.
And yet, I also witnessed something else: gratitude.
Every single day, parents found ways to give thanks—to me, to the other nurses, and the team of doctors.
I’ll never forget the parent who looked me in the eyes and said, “Thank you for saving my kid’s life.” It stopped me in my tracks.
I was honored to care for those kids, but what I didn’t expect was how much I would receive in return.
I’m grateful for the sacred opportunity to make a difference in their lives — and I’m also deeply grateful for the relationships that carried me through.
In that chaotic, emotional, and high-stress environment, I met some of the kindest, most compassionate people I’ve ever known—including my best friend, who I’ve now shared eight years of friendship with.
Even in the hardest places, there are silver linings.
Sometimes they come in the form of laughter at the nurses’ station, having cafecito in the break room, an inside joke during night shift, or a lifelong friend you didn’t see coming.
That experience shaped me.
It’s where I learned that gratitude isn’t about pretending everything’s fine. It’s about seeing the light—even when you’re walking through the dark.
Gratitude isn’t Just for The Good Days
We often associate gratitude with joy — vacations, weddings, promotions, graduations, and sunny moments.
But the truth is, gratitude matters most when life is anything, but joyful. When you're in the middle of a painful divorce, when you’ve lost someone you love, and when you’re grieving the future you thought you’d have.
It’s in these moments that gratitude becomes a lifeline.
Gratitude doesn't ask you to pretend everything's okay. It asks you to hold both truths: “This hurts” and “I’m grateful for this one thing.”
Even in suffering, you can still give thanks for a kind nurse, air conditioning, a supportive text, a sunrise, or simply being able to move.
Why It’s So Hard to Be Grateful When You’re Hurting
When you're grieving, the mind contracts.
The brain is wired to focus on the threat, the danger, the pain. Gratitude feels irrelevant—or worse, impossible.
But here’s what the science says:
The Neuroscience of Gratitude (Even During Grief)
Practicing gratitude activates the brain’s reward center (ventral striatum), releasing dopamine and serotonin—chemicals that enhance mood and reduce stress.
It also downregulates the amygdala, the part of the brain responsible for fear and anxiety.
In studies of people experiencing trauma and loss, those who kept gratitude journals had lower levels of depression and better emotional resilience.
Gratitude doesn’t numb pain — it rebalances the nervous system so you’re better able to endure and integrate it.
So if it feels hard, that’s because it is — but it’s also healing.
And remember, when you heal yourself, you heal the world.
My Experience on The Pediatric Oncology Floor
On the pediatric cancer floor, there were IV poles, chemo pumps, fluid pumps, platelet transfusions, syringe pumps, oxygen tanks — and still, somehow, there was laughter, compassion, growth, and kindness.
Kids who knew they were dying made jokes. Parents who hadn’t slept in days smiled at staff and said thank you. I watched families create moments of joy in the darkest corners of their lives.
They didn’t practice gratitude because life was easy — they practiced it because it was the only way through.
And it changed me and showed me that my worries and problems were so small compared to these families. I stopped taking small moments for granted. I started saying thank you more and realized that I already had so much to be grateful for.
I realized that gratitude isn’t just a feeling — it’s a practice.
How Gratitude Creates a Ripple Effect
When one person chooses to be grateful in the middle of pain, it affects everyone they encounter.
That mother who thanked me after her child passed away? She taught me to show up fully for every patient, every family, every single moment.
Your gratitude impacts the nurse, the person who’s having an awful day, the friend, the barista, the shop clerk, and the stranger.
It teaches others how to hold space, how to love harder, and how to keep moving forward.
Your light makes others braver.
Start Here: How to Practice Gratitude During Hard Times
Name One Thing
Even if it feels small or ridiculous. The blanket. Water. The quiet. The breath you just took.
Say It Out Loud
“I’m grateful for this day.”
Text it. Write it and start a gratitude list or journal.
Externalizing it activates your brain in a different way.
Let It Coexist With Pain
Gratitude doesn’t cancel grief. It companions it, so you have to make room for both.
Be Specific
“I’m grateful for this nurse” becomes “I’m grateful for the way she adjusted my blanket without me asking.”
“I’m thankful for my AirPods, music, and my hearing.”
“I’m grateful for my health and my ability to move.”
“I’m grateful to have air conditioning every singe day, especially on super hot summer days.”
Repeat When You Don’t Feel Like It
Especially then. Make an effort to do it daily or 1-2 times day.
Final Thoughts
Gratitude during hard times doesn’t make the pain disappear; it makes you stronger.
It won’t erase the loss, but it will give you something to hold onto when everything else feels like it’s slipping away.
You don’t need to be cheerful and you don’t need to be “healed.”
You just need to be honest — and a little bit grateful.
That’s more than enough.
Thank you for reading this article.
Until next Sunday,
—Jessica
Your 2am friend who actually gets it
“Healing is not about developing an attachment to perfection; it is about recognizing the moments when you’re moving in the opposite direction from your long-term goals and building awareness around what you can do differently next time.“ —Yung Pueblo
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MEDICAL DISCLAIMER
This content is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not intended to provide medical advice or to take the place of such advice or treatment from a personal physician. All readers/viewers of this content are advised to consult their doctors or qualified health professionals regarding specific health questions. All viewers of this content, especially those taking prescription or over-the-counter medications, should consult their physicians before beginning any nutrition, supplement or lifestyle program.
This is incredible Jessica, I’ve been thinking a lot about gratitude lately and you are so right. It means even more in the harder times.
Thank you Jessica. You are describing my philosophy: I live a life of Gratitude. I've had dark times in my life, when I've lived from moment to moment. Anxious, disconnected, often alone. As I got through -- with the help of a committed therapist, and people who cared -- I began grasping and understanding those moments of gratitude. I gave a talk at my synagogue just a few weeks ago - on gratitude - and how people were appreciative of being reminded of the practice. As you are reminding us. So very important. And you express it so well - gratitude along side the pain. Thanks again. Blessings to you.