Weekly Skill: Closing The Gap
How to stop exhausting yourself by pretending everything is fine.
One grounded internal skill you can practice this week.
The Moment This Shows Up
You already know.
That’s the frustrating part.
You know the relationship changed.
You know you’re more resentful than you want to admit.
You know the boundary needs to happen.
You know the job stopped fitting six months ago.
But instead of acknowledging it…you negotiate.
“Maybe I’m overthinking.”
“Maybe I just need more time.”
“Maybe this feeling will go away.”
So you keep showing up normally.
You smile. You reply and you push through.
Meanwhile part of you is quietly thinking:
This isn’t true anymore.
That’s the moment this skill is for.
Why This Skill Matters
Most people think dishonesty means lying.
Usually it looks much quieter.
Dishonesty looks like:
Saying “I’m fine” when you aren’t.
Pretending something doesn’t bother you.
Making yourself smaller or shrinking yourself.
Ignoring what you already know.
Not because you’re manipulative, but because you’re trying to stay safe.
Honesty can feel expensive, but so can pretending.
And eventually your body starts paying for the gap.
What This Skill Is
Closing the gap means noticing when your internal reality and external behavior stop matching.
Then gently bringing them closer together.
Not blurting everything out.
Not starting fires.
Not “radical honesty at all costs.”
Just reducing the distance between:
→ what you know
→ and how you’re living.
Because carrying two realities at once gets heavy.
The Common Mistake
Most people do one of two things.
1. Total Avoidance
Ignore it.
Push through.
Wait for feelings to disappear.
2. Immediate Explosion
Say everything.
Text immediately.
Burn the whole thing down by Tuesday.
Nope.
→ Avoidance delays reality.
→ Explosion bypasses reflection.
Neither creates clarity.
The Skill Itself
When something feels off:
1. Name What You Already Know
Finish this statement:
“If I were being fully honest...”
No editing and no fixing.
Just answer.
2. Notice Where You’re Performing
Ask yourself:
“Where am I acting differently than I actually feel?”
Not to judge. Just notice.
3. Shrink The Gap
You don’t need dramatic truth.
Try:
“Something feels off.”
“I’ve been sitting with something.”
“Actually… I think I need...”
Small honesty counts.
4. Stay With The Discomfort
Why? Because honesty often feels worse before it feels relieving.
Not because it was wrong, but because your nervous system is adjusting.
How To Practice It
Use this when:
Resentment starts building.
Something feels emotionally heavy.
You keep saying “it’s fine.”
You notice yourself avoiding a truth you already know.
Start small.
Tiny truth.
Tiny gap.
How You Know It’s Working
You notice:
Less internal tension.
Less resentment.
Less emotional exhaustion.
More clarity.
Not because life becomes easier, but because you stop spending energy pretending.
The One-Line Reorientation
“What truth am I already carrying?”
Closing Reflection
You don’t have to force honesty.
Usually the truth is already there.
The work is allowing yourself to stop negotiating with it.
That’s where relief starts.
Thank you for reading this article.
— Jessica
“Honesty creates intimate connections and decreases the turbulence of life. Dishonesty creates distance and problems that have to be dealt with in the future.” —Yung Pueblo
Previous Weekly Skills
MEDICAL DISCLAIMER
This content is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not intended to provide medical advice or to take the place of such advice or treatment from a personal physician. All readers/viewers of this content are advised to consult their doctors or qualified health professionals regarding specific health questions. All viewers of this content, especially those taking prescription or over-the-counter medications, should consult their physicians before beginning any nutrition, supplement or lifestyle program.
That’s so true. Which is why being honest with yourself is a huge part of actually being present and fully there in a relationship and leads to its success. Great article Jess!!
The difficult part is people usually know the truth long before they admit it.
Most of the exhaustion comes from carrying the reality internally while still performing the old version externally.