I love how you show that calm, steady presence, whether from a friend, partner, or clinician, isn’t dependency but a way the nervous system learns safety.
thank you, Frank! we do in fact learn to regulate emotions through co-regulation first. so people who dont know how to and tjey’re trying to learn in silence or in private, it doesn’t really work! we are all connected and we rely on other people to help us learn to regulate properly and feel safe.
Learning to be present and listen is a critical skill. My natural tendency is to offer solutions, but I have worked to be a better listener, and friend.
most definitely! Critical is the perfect word. Active listening can be difficult at times especially when you're so used to listening to respond instead of listening to understand or simply make the other person feel seen and heard by just being there with them. I've been working on being a better listener, responder, and friend as well. Thank you so much, John! I truly appreciate you reading and engaging. All of the photos that you see in my articles are all mine. Either taken at the beach during the sunrise or while flying up in the sky. 🤗
Thank you, John! I appreciate that. People tell me I have a good eye for photos. But what I say is, you show up to the sunrise and click a button on your phone and that’s it. The sunrise is what’s beautiful. Hold the phone up, press the button and boom you’re a photographer with a Beautiful photo.
Seriously so simple. Go to the sunrise, stand there, press buttons on your phone 🤣😅🤷🏻♀️
“Many people struggle with emotional regulation not because they’re incapable, but because they’ve been trying to do something alone that was never meant to be learned in isolation.”
My parents shut my feelings down. Dismissed them. Told me to buck up or not cry. It took years to unravel that. At 61, I still need the reminders.
My parents did the same to me. I'm 35 and can only imagine how much of your feelings have been shut down, repressed, ignored, and stored year after year after year. Definitely give yourself grace and practice self-care activities regularly and find ways to keep unraveling everything that you had to bury inside as a child. You're very brave for working on your inner healing!🫶
I especially loved how you itemized what we perceive from others without a word being said … for good or bad!
I used to term this “energy” but when you broke down what we are instantly perceiving … tone, posture, facial expression, etc. it really clicked in my brain 🧠!!!
Thank you so much, Diane. I’m really glad that part clicked for you. A lot of what we call “energy” is actually our nervous system reading very real cues like tone, posture, and facial expression, all before words ever arrive. Once you see it that way, it becomes easier to understand why we’re so affected by each other. I really appreciate you reading and sharing your reflection.🌴🙌🤘
As a father of two young boys, this taught me so much about the importance of a steady presence when the world is new and mostly undiscovered. Thank you for the thoughtful read!
Thank you, Bogdan. That steady presence really does matter so much when everything is new and unfamiliar. Your boys are lucky to have that kind of attuned and co-regulating support as they learn their way in the world.🙌
But also I love this topic. We're living through the great optimization which unfortunately means we order uber eats instead of having the small interaction to order our food in person. We get things shipped next day with Amazon prime and miss bumping into a friend at the store. We optimized our way out of small interactions that give us pockets of energy and in the end make us what we are. Human.
Hi Jess, love the shared name. And I really appreciate how you framed this as “the great optimization.” That feels so accurate. In streamlining life for efficiency, we’ve unintentionally removed the small, human interactions that quietly regulate us and give us energy. Those moments of friction, chance, and connection aren’t inefficiencies at all. They’re part of how we stay human. Thank you for adding such a meaningful layer to this conversation. t's super cool we have the same initials fam!
Thanks Jessica, this is such a helpful way to better understand what co-regulation is and how to find it. I think the digital space can also afford this to us, and your newsletter is a great example! 🙏
thank you so much, Sam!! I was originally going to write about how to emotion regulate ourselves, but after my research I found out that we learn to regulate with each other through co-regulation! appreciate you for reading, Sam!!
I love how you show that calm, steady presence, whether from a friend, partner, or clinician, isn’t dependency but a way the nervous system learns safety.
thank you, Frank! we do in fact learn to regulate emotions through co-regulation first. so people who dont know how to and tjey’re trying to learn in silence or in private, it doesn’t really work! we are all connected and we rely on other people to help us learn to regulate properly and feel safe.
And communication is just the right way to get it done
Borrowing Calm Isn’t Weakness - love this. Great piece Jessica, thank you.
thank you so much, Josh!! I'm glad you loved it. means the world to me
another great piece!
Appreciate that. 🫶🏼
Learning to be present and listen is a critical skill. My natural tendency is to offer solutions, but I have worked to be a better listener, and friend.
Love the post and the pictures are incredible.
most definitely! Critical is the perfect word. Active listening can be difficult at times especially when you're so used to listening to respond instead of listening to understand or simply make the other person feel seen and heard by just being there with them. I've been working on being a better listener, responder, and friend as well. Thank you so much, John! I truly appreciate you reading and engaging. All of the photos that you see in my articles are all mine. Either taken at the beach during the sunrise or while flying up in the sky. 🤗
You have a good eye for photos, but I seldom see a sunrise or sunset I don’t love.
Nice to know that others are challenged becoming a better listener.
Thank you, John! I appreciate that. People tell me I have a good eye for photos. But what I say is, you show up to the sunrise and click a button on your phone and that’s it. The sunrise is what’s beautiful. Hold the phone up, press the button and boom you’re a photographer with a Beautiful photo.
Seriously so simple. Go to the sunrise, stand there, press buttons on your phone 🤣😅🤷🏻♀️
Powerful piece, Jessica.
This:
“Many people struggle with emotional regulation not because they’re incapable, but because they’ve been trying to do something alone that was never meant to be learned in isolation.”
My parents shut my feelings down. Dismissed them. Told me to buck up or not cry. It took years to unravel that. At 61, I still need the reminders.
Thank you so much, Lynn! I appreciate that.
My parents did the same to me. I'm 35 and can only imagine how much of your feelings have been shut down, repressed, ignored, and stored year after year after year. Definitely give yourself grace and practice self-care activities regularly and find ways to keep unraveling everything that you had to bury inside as a child. You're very brave for working on your inner healing!🫶
Thanks Jessica! 🙏
Dosage for this Sunday ✨
I'm honored!🤗
🤍✨
Another great article Jess 🙌
I especially loved how you itemized what we perceive from others without a word being said … for good or bad!
I used to term this “energy” but when you broke down what we are instantly perceiving … tone, posture, facial expression, etc. it really clicked in my brain 🧠!!!
Thank you so much, Diane. I’m really glad that part clicked for you. A lot of what we call “energy” is actually our nervous system reading very real cues like tone, posture, and facial expression, all before words ever arrive. Once you see it that way, it becomes easier to understand why we’re so affected by each other. I really appreciate you reading and sharing your reflection.🌴🙌🤘
This was helpful. The idea that we’re not meant to regulate alone feels both relieving and true. Thanks for sharing this.
thank you so much, Denise! I’m glad this piece was helpful for you! it was definitely an eye-opener for me while writing it.
Thanks for sharing, I really enjoyed reading this! It really highlights how important community is!!!
Thank you so much, Girl! Writing this article made me realize how important community and human connection and support truly is!
As a father of two young boys, this taught me so much about the importance of a steady presence when the world is new and mostly undiscovered. Thank you for the thoughtful read!
Thank you, Bogdan. That steady presence really does matter so much when everything is new and unfamiliar. Your boys are lucky to have that kind of attuned and co-regulating support as they learn their way in the world.🙌
Hi! We share the same name :)
But also I love this topic. We're living through the great optimization which unfortunately means we order uber eats instead of having the small interaction to order our food in person. We get things shipped next day with Amazon prime and miss bumping into a friend at the store. We optimized our way out of small interactions that give us pockets of energy and in the end make us what we are. Human.
Hi Jess, love the shared name. And I really appreciate how you framed this as “the great optimization.” That feels so accurate. In streamlining life for efficiency, we’ve unintentionally removed the small, human interactions that quietly regulate us and give us energy. Those moments of friction, chance, and connection aren’t inefficiencies at all. They’re part of how we stay human. Thank you for adding such a meaningful layer to this conversation. t's super cool we have the same initials fam!
Inspired ✨️
thank you 💫
Thanks Jessica, this is such a helpful way to better understand what co-regulation is and how to find it. I think the digital space can also afford this to us, and your newsletter is a great example! 🙏
thank you so much, Sam!! I was originally going to write about how to emotion regulate ourselves, but after my research I found out that we learn to regulate with each other through co-regulation! appreciate you for reading, Sam!!