“Don’t run away from heavy emotions. Honor the anger; give pain the space it needs to breathe.”
🖤 A Note from Me
Hi, I’m Jessica.
I write NP Fellow Become The CEO of Your Health— a weekly mental health and functional medicine newsletter about building a healthier relationship with your mind, your body, and yourself.
You’ve replayed the conversation more times than you can count. You know what they said and you know what you said.
You’ve come up with at least six better responses, including one so good it’s genuinely annoying you didn’t think of it at the time and still, you keep going back.
Maybe if you understand exactly why they said it, you’ll feel better.
Maybe if you explain yourself one more time, they’ll finally understand.
Maybe if you think about it long enough, you’ll find the moment when everything could have gone differently.
Except the conversation is over and you’re still having it.
Sometimes the hardest part of letting go isn’t what happened.
It’s giving up the possibility that it could have happened differently.
🚨🔊My New Annual Halloween Vibes playlist - 2026 edit is now out on Spotify along with my podcast called NP Fellow Collective!
Holding On Can Feel Like Doing Something
When something matters to us, we want to do something about it.
We want to repair the relationship.
Correct the mistake.
Understand why someone hurt us.
Figure out whether we made the right decision.
But sometimes we’ve already done what we can.
We’ve had the conversation, asked the question, made the apology, and we’re still mentally working on the problem.
We replay it. Reconsider it. Imagine different outcomes.
It feels like we’re making progress because we’re still engaged, but thinking about something for the hundredth time doesn’t necessarily bring us any closer to an answer.
Sometimes we’re simply revisiting a situation that has nothing new to give us.
We Get Attached To The Ending We Wanted
Think about something you’ve struggled to let go of.
Was there an ending you were hoping for?
Maybe the person who hurt you would apologize.
Maybe the relationship would work out.
Maybe someone would finally understand your side.
And when that ending doesn’t happen, it’s tempting to keep waiting for it.
Maybe they’ll come around, or maybe something will change.
Hope can keep us alive and moving when there’s something meaningful left to pursue, but it can also keep us waiting for a version of reality that isn’t arriving.
And sometimes, the hardest thing to release is the future we imagined.
The relationship you thought you’d have.
The opportunity you expected to get.
The conversation where someone finally said, You’re right. I understand now.
You may be grieving something that never actually happened and that can be difficult to recognize because you’re still looking for a way to make it happen.
Sometimes we’re holding on to what happened. Sometimes we’re holding on to what we thought would happen next.
Letting Go Can Feel Like Saying It Didn’t Matter
This is where the advice to just let it go becomes particularly unhelpful.
Because what if it mattered?
What if you really loved that person?
What if what happened was unfair?
What if you deserved an apology you never received?
Letting go can feel like saying:
It’s fine.
I don’t care anymore.
What happened wasn’t that important.
However, you don’t have to say any of those things.
You can believe someone treated you unfairly and stop waiting for them to admit it, you can miss a relationship and accept that it’s over, and you can be disappointed by an outcome without spending the next year trying to make sense of every detail.
You don’t have to make something insignificant in order to stop struggling with it.
It mattered. Maybe it still does. That doesn’t mean it has to occupy the same amount of your life forever.
There’s A Difference Between Taking Action & Fighting Reality
Letting go isn’t an excuse to avoid something that still needs your attention.
Sometimes you need to speak up.
Have the uncomfortable conversation.
Set a boundary.
Make another attempt.
Change your circumstances.
But there’s a difference between taking action that could change something and continuing to fight for an outcome you can’t guarantee.
You can tell someone how their behavior affected you.
You can’t make them agree with your version of events.
You can put real effort into a relationship.
You can’t maintain it for two people.
And sometimes, you still have options.
You could send another message. Make another argument. Give something one more chance, but having an option doesn’t mean you have to keep taking it.
There may come a point when pursuing the outcome costs more than you’re willing to give.
You can decide something matters without deciding to keep fighting for it.
You Might Never Get The Ending That Makes Sense
One of the more uncomfortable parts of letting go is that we often want resolution first.
We want to understand why.
We want the apology.
We want to know we made the right choice.
We want the other person to acknowledge what happened.
We want the story to make sense before we put it down.
And sometimes, we get those things.
Sometimes, we don’t.
The person never explains.
The apology never comes.
The decision remains complicated.
The relationship ends without a conversation that makes everything feel complete.
It’s frustrating to accept an ending that doesn’t feel finished, but waiting for someone else to provide resolution can leave your life on hold.
You may never know exactly why they did what they did.
You may never feel completely certain about the choice you made.
You may never get the acknowledgment you deserved.
An unanswered question doesn’t have to become a permanent assignment.
You can still wish you had the answer, you can still believe you deserved one, and you can begin making choices from the reality you have, even when it isn’t the one you wanted.
Final Thoughts: You Don’t Have To Restart The Struggle
Maybe there’s a conversation you keep replaying.
An apology you’re still waiting for.
A decision you wish you could undo.
A future you thought you’d have.
Maybe there’s something you still need to do, but maybe you’ve already done what you can and what remains is the wish that things had ended differently.
You might still miss someone.
You might still feel disappointed.
You might remember what happened six months from now and feel that familiar sting.
Those feelings don’t mean you’ve failed to let go.
You don’t have to pretend you’re okay with what happened, you don’t have to find a silver lining, and you don’t have to stop caring.
The feeling may return. You don’t have to restart the struggle every time it does.
Thank you for reading this article.
Until next Sunday,
—Jessica
Your 2am friend who actually gets it
“Being okay with not being okay helps you let go.” —Yung Pueblo
🪩 A Gentle Invitation
If this article resonated with you, you may appreciate my new product called Weekly Skill, a paid NP Fellow series focused on one real, grounded internal skill each week regarding attention, impulse control, emotional regulation, presence, and learning how to work with your nervous system instead of against it.
No pressure. Just an invitation.🤝
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MEDICAL DISCLAIMER
This content is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not intended to provide medical advice or to take the place of such advice or treatment from a personal physician. All readers/viewers of this content are advised to consult their doctors or qualified health professionals regarding specific health questions. All viewers of this content, especially those taking prescription or over-the-counter medications, should consult their physicians before beginning any nutrition, supplement or lifestyle program.
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morning jess