“Being able to see yourself as you’re moving through your own emotional spectrum is an essential quality to cultivate.”
🫶 A Note from Me
Hi, I’m Jessica.
I write NP Fellow Become The CEO of Your Health— a weekly mental health and functional medicine newsletter about building a healthier relationship with your mind, your body, and yourself.
We spend a lot of time thinking about who we’re becoming.
Who we want to be.
Where we want to go.
What we still need to change.
Growth matters, but in our rush to become the next version of ourselves, we can stop recognizing the person who has to live today.
→ This week is about starting there.
With the person who is actually here.
🚨🔊My New Annual Summer Vibes playlist - 2026 edit is now out on Spotify along with my podcast called NP Fellow Collective!
Meet Yourself Where You Are
There is often a gap between where we are and where we think we should be.
I should be further along.
I should be handling this better.
I shouldn’t still feel this way.
I should have figured this out by now.
The problem isn’t simply that we notice the gap.
We start using it as evidence.
“I’m behind, I’m failing, or something must be wrong with me.”
Where we are stops being information and becomes an indictment and once that happens, it becomes much harder to see ourselves clearly.
Self-recognition asks for something simpler: Start with what is actually true.
Recognition Comes Before Change
Imagine opening a map and asking for directions without knowing your current location.
You might know exactly where you want to go, but without a starting point, the directions are useless.
Growth works the same way.
Before deciding what needs to change, you need some coordinates.
What am I feeling?
What am I carrying?
What is working?
What isn’t?
What do I have capacity for right now?
→ These are questions of orientation.
You have to know where you are before you can decide where to go next.
Make Plans For The Person Who Actually Exists
Say you planned to work out five mornings this week.
It’s Thursday and you haven’t gone once.
The conclusion arrives quickly:
I need more discipline.
Maybe.
But look again.
You’ve slept six hours a night.
Work has been brutal.
Someone you love needs more from you than usual.
Your body is exhausted.
None of that means you abandon the goal.
It means you stop making decisions for an imaginary version of yourself who has unlimited energy, perfect sleep, no stress, and apparently nothing unexpected ever happens to them.
Lovely person.
Doesn’t live here.
Maybe today the right choice is a twenty-minute walk, maybe it’s sleep, or maybe you return to the gym next week.
→ The point is that the decision finally comes from reality instead of accusation.
Meet the person who is actually here. Then build from there.
Self-Awareness Isn’t A Verdict
There is a difference between noticing something and deciding what it says about you.
Self-awareness says:
→ I’m exhausted.
Judgment says:
I shouldn’t be this tired.
Self-awareness says:
→ I’m struggling with this.
Judgment says:
I should be better at this by now.
One gives you information.
The other immediately puts you on trial.
And when every observation becomes an evaluation, seeing yourself accurately gets almost impossible.
→ Sometimes the useful move is simply: This is what is happening.
No verdict required.
We Give Other People Context
We’re often surprisingly generous when we look at someone else.
Of course she’s exhausted. Look at what she’s carrying.
Of course he’s struggling. This is new for him.
Of course they need time. They’ve been through a lot.
Then we turn toward ourselves.
Get it together.
→ We give other people context.
→ We give ourselves a verdict.
However, your circumstances don’t stop mattering because they belong to you.
Neither does your capacity and neither does the fact that you’re human.
→ Seeing those things clearly doesn’t excuse every choice you make.
It tells you what you’re actually working with.
Meeting Yourself Here Doesn’t Mean Staying Here
This is where the fear usually shows up.
If I acknowledge where I am, will I get stuck here?
No.
→ Acknowledging reality gives you somewhere real to begin.
You can say:
“This is hard for me right now.”
And decide what support you need.
You can recognize:
→ I don’t have capacity for this today.
And revisit it tomorrow.
You can admit:
“I’m not where I want to be yet.”
Without turning that distance into proof that you’re failing.
You can’t make a useful decision from coordinates you refuse to admit you’re standing at.
Change The Question
When you notice yourself slipping into should, try getting curious about what is actually happening.
Instead of:
“What’s wrong with me?”
Ask:
“What’s happening with me?"
Instead of:
“Why can’t I handle this better?”
Ask:
“What is this asking of me right now?”
Instead of:
“Why am I not further along?”
Ask:
“Where am I, honestly?”
The goal isn’t to excuse everything you find.
→ The goal is to understand what you’re working with.
Then you can decide what comes next.
Final Thoughts
There will always be another version of you to imagine.
One that is more confident, more capable, and further along.
However, that person doesn’t have to live today.
You do.
So before deciding what needs fixing, ask:
Where am I, honestly?
What am I carrying?
What do I need from here?
Growth can come next.
First, find your coordinates.
This is where I am. Now I can decide where to go.
Thank you for reading this article.
Until next Sunday,
—Jessica
Your 2am friend who actually gets it
“You need your own definition of happiness. One that reconnects you with the beauty of where you are now and doesn’t postpone your joy until accomplish something in the future. One that is centered on embracing and not striving.” —Yung Pueblo
🪩 A Gentle Invitation
If this article resonated with you, you may appreciate my new product called Weekly Skill, a paid NP Fellow series focused on one real, grounded internal skill each week regarding attention, impulse control, emotional regulation, presence, and learning how to work with your nervous system instead of against it.
No pressure. Just an invitation.🤝
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MEDICAL DISCLAIMER
This content is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not intended to provide medical advice or to take the place of such advice or treatment from a personal physician. All readers/viewers of this content are advised to consult their doctors or qualified health professionals regarding specific health questions. All viewers of this content, especially those taking prescription or over-the-counter medications, should consult their physicians before beginning any nutrition, supplement or lifestyle program.
💙 A question for you:
Where in your life are you asking yourself to be somewhere other than where you actually are?
Maybe you think you should be further along. More certain. Less tired. Already over it.
What changes if, just for today, you start with:
This is where I am. What do I need from here?
Great piece, Jess. Oftentimes, we tend not to realize how far we have actually come.