“Find the tools you need to heal.”
♥️ A Note from Me
Hi, I’m Jessica.
I write NP Fellow Become The CEO of Your Health— a weekly mental health and functional medicine newsletter about building a healthier relationship with your mind, your body, and yourself.
You leave a conversation feeling uncomfortable.
Something someone said didn’t sit right with you. Maybe it was their tone or maybe it was the way they dismissed something that mattered to you.
You tell a friend about it.
They say, “I think you’re reading too much into it.”
And just like that, you’re questioning yourself.
Maybe I am, maybe I’m being too sensitive, or maybe it wasn’t that big of a deal.
Five minutes ago, you were trying to understand what bothered you.
Now you’re trying to prove to yourself that you had a reason to be bothered at all.
The strange part?
→ You were willing to consider another perspective. That’s usually a good thing.
But somewhere along the way, you stopped considering your own.
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When Someone Else Sounds More Certain Than You Feel
Have you noticed how convincing someone can sound when they’re explaining why you’re wrong?
They seem so sure.
They remember the conversation differently.
They have an explanation you hadn’t considered.
They insist you misunderstood.
Meanwhile, you’re still figuring out what you think and when you’re uncertain, someone else’s confidence can feel like evidence.
They sound so sure. Maybe they know something I don’t.
Sometimes they do, but certainty and accuracy aren’t the same thing.
Someone can be completely convinced of their interpretation and still be mistaken. You can be unsure of yours and still have noticed something important.
We tend to forget that when we’re uncomfortable with uncertainty.
It’s tempting to let the person who sounds most confident settle the question, especially when doing so would end an uncomfortable disagreement.
→ Their confidence doesn’t necessarily mean they know better. Sometimes it just makes you stop asking questions.
You don’t need to match their certainty to take your own perspective seriously.
How You Learn To Check With Everyone Else First
Most people don’t consciously decide to stop trusting their judgment.
They learn to check it.
Maybe you grew up hearing “You’re too sensitive” whenever something upset you.
Maybe you tried to explain why a comment hurt, only to be told you misunderstood, took it personally, or made a big deal out of nothing.
Maybe a decision went badly, and now you question yourself whenever another important choice comes along.
Over time, you can get so used to checking whether you’re allowed to feel something that you forget to ask yourself why you feel it.
Am I allowed to be upset about this?
Would someone else think this is a problem?
What if I’m being unreasonable?
So you ask.
You explain what happened. You watch the other person’s reaction. You listen for signs that they agree.
And if they don’t?
You start reconsidering your experience before you’ve finished understanding it.
Of course, other people can help us see what we’ve missed. Their feedback can be useful, but when outside agreement becomes the requirement for trusting your own judgment, something shifts.
→ You start treating your own perspective like a rough draft that someone else needs to approve.
And eventually, you may stop asking yourself what you think until you’ve heard what everyone else thinks first.
Being Open-Minded Isn’t The Same As Being Easily Overruled
Imagine you’re considering a new opportunity.
You’re interested, but something bothers you. The expectations are unclear, and the details keep changing.
You mention your hesitation to someone you trust.
They say, “You’re overthinking it. I’d take it.”
Now you’re wondering whether your concerns are reasonable or whether you’re just afraid of change.
Maybe fear is part of it, but maybe the changing details deserve a closer look.
Being open-minded means considering information that could change your opinion.
Being easily overruled means assuming someone else has a better opinion simply because they disagree.
A second opinion should give you more information to work with.
It shouldn’t automatically replace your first opinion.
You can ask what they see that you don’t.
You can investigate the details.
You can change your mind.
Or you can decide that, even after hearing their perspective, the opportunity still isn’t right for you.
→ You can be open to being wrong without assuming everyone else is right.
A different opinion is something to consider. It isn’t automatically a correction.
Sometimes You’re Looking For Permission, Not Advice
Think about the last time you asked several people what they thought you should do.
Were you gathering information?
Or were you hoping someone would give you an answer that finally made you feel comfortable choosing?
There’s a difference.
Sometimes we ask for advice because another person has knowledge or experience we don’t.
Other times, we already have a preference.
→ We just don’t trust ourselves enough to act on it.
So we keep asking.
One friend says yes.
Another says no.
Someone else says, “It depends.”
Wonderful. Now we have a committee and somehow, after hearing five opinions, we’re less certain than when we started because what we really wanted wasn’t another perspective.
We wanted someone to remove the possibility that we’d make the wrong choice, but even good advice can’t guarantee a good outcome.
You can make a thoughtful decision and still be disappointed by how it turns out.
You can follow someone’s advice and regret it.
You can trust your own judgment and later discover you missed something.
→ That’s part of making decisions.
Self-trust doesn’t mean knowing you’ll get it right. It means being willing to make a decision without needing someone else to guarantee the outcome.
Final Thoughts: You Can Question Your Interpretation Without Dismissing Yourself
Let’s say someone cancels plans at the last minute.
You feel hurt.
That feeling is real.
You interpret the cancellation as proof that they don’t value your time.
That interpretation might be right.
Or they might be dealing with something you don’t know about.
Trusting yourself doesn’t require you to settle that question immediately.
You can acknowledge the hurt.
Ask what happened.
Consider their explanation.
Notice whether this is a pattern.
And still decide that repeated last-minute cancellations don’t work for you, regardless of whether the person intended to hurt you.
You don’t need to be certain about someone else’s intentions to be clear about your own needs.
→ This is where self-validation and self-trust meet.
You can recognize that your experience matters without assuming your first interpretation is correct.
You can take someone else’s perspective seriously without treating it as more important than yours and you can make a decision based on what you know, while remaining willing to reconsider when new information arrives.
You won’t always be right and neither will the people you’re asking.
→ You can listen to someone else without handing them the final say on what you think.
The next time someone disagrees with you, pay attention to what happens inside you.
Do you get curious about their perspective?
Or do you immediately start searching for what’s wrong with yours?
You might learn something from what they have to say.
Just don’t stop listening to yourself in the process.
Thank you for reading this article.
Until next Sunday,
—Jessica
Your 2am friend who actually gets it
“Taking a moment to figure out how you really feel instead of letting old patterns decide for you is one of the most authentic things you can do.” —Yung Pueblo
🪩 A Gentle Invitation
If this article resonated with you, you may appreciate my new product called Weekly Skill, a paid NP Fellow series focused on one real, grounded internal skill each week regarding attention, impulse control, emotional regulation, presence, and learning how to work with your nervous system instead of against it.
No pressure. Just an invitation.🤝
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MEDICAL DISCLAIMER
This content is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not intended to provide medical advice or to take the place of such advice or treatment from a personal physician. All readers/viewers of this content are advised to consult their doctors or qualified health professionals regarding specific health questions. All viewers of this content, especially those taking prescription or over-the-counter medications, should consult their physicians before beginning any nutrition, supplement or lifestyle program.
Have you ever noticed how quickly someone else's confidence can make you question your own judgment?
Sometimes another perspective helps us see something we've missed. Other times, we start doubting ourselves simply because someone disagrees.
You can be open to being wrong without assuming everyone else is right.
I'm curious: Do you tend to trust your first impression, or do you find yourself checking with other people before deciding what you think?
Another great piece, Jess! Thanks for the great read.